Depression 3 months after ectopic pregnancy, is it normal?

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Hi,

I had an ectopic pregnancy at the beginning off October this year. I didn’t know I was pregnant, we weren’t trying, I collapsed at work (no idea why) and ended up having to have emergency surgery to remove my right tube which had ruptured. It was all very traumatic. I wasn’t planning on having a baby so I don’t think I feel sad because of that but I just haven’t felt myself since, a lot of pains and it feels like my hormones are everywhere. It feels like it has got worse the past month, I just feel quite down and not motivated, I feel like I have a weight on my chest that won’t lift.

I’m lucky to be here, I still am able to have a baby if I choose to, I have a healthy boy already so why do I feel like this?! Is it normal?! I have just had the implant put in a week a go so hoping it will help?!

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So similar! I was lucky not to have surgery but mine began October, and was discharged in December after my body did it’s thing. But have just been explaining to a friend, it was an unplanned pregnancy and I feel a bit scared of it happening again (a fibroid near the ovary doesn’t help) but I just feel utterly flat. Not necessarily totally down and depressed but ambivalent. Been offered a new job within my team and had to decline bc I just can’t gather the enthusiasm. I’ve been off work as I had some physical complications but need to return in new year and I just don’t know how I will keep up bc I’m so flat, disinterested and… meh.

I’m okay at home, I enjoy tv and company of v close friends but got not much interest in meeting new people.

I’ve also just had an appointment to discuss the implant which is booked for beginning of jan. How did you find the insertion?

The protracted nature of 7 weeks of 48hr tests etc was v anxiety provoking and I find myself quite anxious and untrusting in my body. I didn’t want kids, now I might do in future but don’t know if I could ever risk another ectopic?! Yet the risk of removing the fibroid is as much as leaving it.

I don’t know why I’m flat.

I guess it’s notmal ? Discussed with GP today who said it’s a side effect of being under protracted stress for the past 2 months. I’ve had anxiety and low mood in the past but not for years.

I think it’s normal but how to get rid of it… I’m still trying to work out. If you discover a magic button, let me know!

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Thank you for replying, it is nice to hear from

Someone else who has been through (I hope that doesn’t sound wrong)! We have very similar experience.

I thought it being unplanned I would get over it pretty quickly and I was happy to talk about it but it’s like the past few weeks I have gone down hill. I did read online they had done a study about women getting depression/ post traumatic stress around 3 months after early pregnancy loss/ectopic pregnancy.

I get what you mean about feeling flat, I just can’t find enthusiasm for anything, I have also been really snappy with my partner and little boy and I don’t want to be like that with them but it’s like I can’t help it!! I just feel like my body isn’t mine.

Implant insertion was ok, it is painful but they are quick at putting it in and they numb the area, I had it put in last Wednesday and my arm is still bruised. I have always hated the thought of it being inside me but I felt it was the only option as like you I am scared of ectopic pregnancy happening again as the pill isn’t 100% all the time.

I wish I knew the magic button, when I spoke to the doctor when I was getting the implant she did say it may be the trauma of it all rather than hormones. Similar to what your GP has said.

Maybe getting back to work would help and be a distraction?! I went back after 2 weeks which I was told was early but I took it easy and it did help keep my mind off things but then maybe it was too soon, ahh I wish I knew the answer, just don’t know what to do to push me out of this!

Maybe we are just expecting too much and it will just take time to recover from it all?!

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Yes no right answers. I went back to work and then got an ovarian cyst and had to come off. This was the straw that emotionally broke the camels back.

I work in social work. I’m just not sure how I’m going to manage ‘giving’ full attention to someone. Honestly just a normal old person talking to me about their issues at the Gp surgery and I felt totally disconnected. I feel like I need to be ‘on it’ at work and I don’t know where I am. I’ve got the chance to leave the job I don’t like and go into an ideal job I’ve dreamt of, albeit on agency. But right now not sure my body or mind will respond at speed.

I went through a stage of crying and being unable to deal with the simplest thing like awkward telephone banking made me want to have a temper tantrum. That lasted a few days. That was hormonal.

Also I don’t have kids and I don’t know if I want them bc I didn’t before but only that seems to have meaning now. My job relates to ppl and their lives and I’ve never felt like that before so I do think I’m depressed. I’ve been offered antidepressants which I took about 13 ago and they were a life saver but I’m reluctant with this. Feel like I need to work through it and maybe I will find the end of the thread.

Always been hesitant to get the implant but then a bout of food poisoning and one forgotten pill makes me remember. It’s so annoying though because before this we did natural family planning as we are long distance anyway. I KNEW I shouldn’t have had sex on that day, we did and I took the morning after pill. I had NO CLUE ectopic is one of the contraindictations for it.

For years I’ve been in tune with my body and then I got cocky and messed up and boy was I punished. Now I’m terrified. Booked in for the implant in a week.

I was very practical about it all as it was unplanned but still… the shock of something major happening with your health, just is… AWFUL. Add in complex feelings about pregnancy, shock, wanting choice. It’s a perfect storm for a frazzled brain. I just need mine to start doing more the marshmallow.

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Dear Fiona33,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies (planned or not). Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Above all, be kind to yourself and allow time to heal both physically and emotionally,

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

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Thank you for your reply Karen. I really appreciate it.

I do feel a lot better, I had the implant put in before Christmas and I’m not sure if it is that has helped level out my hormones, or wether it is in my head but it feels like the fog has just lifted. I’m hoping it continues.

I will definitely take onboard your advice and the support options there are, as I may well feel I need it. It does feel very isolating and sometimes I feel like I can’t really bring it up with my friends and family, I should be over it by now. It’s good to know I have somewhere I can openly talk about it.

I feel it is a very traumatic thing go through and there isn’t really any after care, no check ups you are just sent on your way. You don’t know if what you are feeling is normal!

X