Anniversary is looming

Poems, Prose, and Words of Remembrance
1

I don’t know who to turn to,

I’m not sure what to say,

It’s definitely a bit easier

Although it hasn’t gone away.

The feelings that I felt back then

Come less to me these days,

But the anniversarys looming and I feel lost in many ways.

YouTube holds me captive while I watch announcements and reveals,

I’m happy for these women as they give me all the feels.

Them finding out they’re pregnant and crying those happy tears

Going forward with their pregnancies,

Not having any fears.

I wonder if I want that now or has the moment passed?

I could be the funnest Auntie like I have been in the past?

Noone needs to hear this stuff

It goes round my head a lot

I should remember how I’m lucky,

Be pleased with what I’ve got.

But saying that, in the next breath, I know what happens next,

I’ll be counting down the days til I can do another test.

To hope I see those two lines

Instead of only one,

One is where my heart sinks and the tears begin to run.

So mebs I DO want children as much as others do,

Perhaps one day it’ll happen

And I’ll be a mummy too.

There are days I think it’s not for me and that I like the life I lead,

A life with no responsibility,

Just him and me to please.

To leave the house without a thought

To sleep right through the night,

Adults only holidays when the world returns to rights.

Not feeling guilty that I’m passing on

all my anxieties and woes

That I’m not messing up my baby with my far too many lows.

But wouldn’t it be lovely

To hold my baby’s hand

To hear them breathe, to watch them sleep, forget the day I’d planned.

So many contradictions seem to fly around my head,

I’ll start again tomorrow, for now it’s time for bed.

2

Dear Honeydrop9,

This is so beautifully written and I think sums up how many of us feel dealing with the ordeal of ectopic pregnancy, loss of our babies and strong desire to conceive.

Anniversaries are particularly hard as they can be stark reminders of what could have been. 10years on and although it isn’t as raw and painful anymore, I am still sad on the anniversary of my ectopic pregnancy too.

If the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

I very much understand that strong desire to conceive. I appreciate how frustrating it can be if it isn’t happening as quickly as we would like. Conceiving successfully can take time and can take some couples more than a year or so.

While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.

In addition. having regular sex means having sex every 2/3 days throughout the month. Guidance from the UK’s National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence advises that having sex around the time when the woman ovulates causes stress and is not recommended. We here at the EPT suggest having intercourse 2/3 times between days 10-20 of their cycle when trying to conceive.

Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team