Hi, first time posting. I had an eptopic pregnancy last month, first pregnancy having been trying for about 2 years. I was only about 5 weeks pregnant. It all happened whilst in the US on holiday and so was even more awful. I had methotrexate and was monitored for a week before we could come home. My HcG is below 100 (was 900 last week) and so hopefully I’m almost there. We’ve been home almost 2 weeks now. At the time, and last week, I was sad and emotional etc and we’ve talked a lot about the whole event. But I wonder if I’m getting over it too quickly / not really thinking about it enough, dealing with it properly etc. Or am I just heartless as I seem to be moving on quickly? We haven’t decided yet if we’ll try again, I’m scared at the thought of trying and scared at the thought of NOT trying again. But I don’t feel like I need to mourn any more. I really miss being pregnant and I’m gutted for both of us that it didn’t work out but relieved that it was far less dramatic and scary than it might have been. My body dealt with it well. I guess I’m just feeling so confused, especially as my other half seems more sad than me. He’s been thinking about how I might feel on mother’s Day for example and I hadn’t even thought about it. Am I ok? Is this normal? Am I a monster? So confused.
Nope. I don’t feel attached to the sadness so much of the pregnancy ending. My emotions were shocked by the protracted anxiety related to my own health but I feel a lot of discomfort bc I’m expected to feel more/differently towards the baby. For me it wasn’t even a baby for me bc it was so early. It’s very difficult bc lots of ppl feel differently and I don’t want to feel like a heartless person.
Hi EptopicPUL,
I know what you mean. I can’t think of it as a baby as it wasn’t, there was no heartbeat yet, it was just potential. And maybe that’s just my way of protecting myself but that’s how I feel. I’m gutted I’m not pregnant any more but relieved it happened early, was treated quickly and I had very little pain and bleeding etc. I’m usually such an emotional person I guess I’ve just been surprised by my own reaction. Guess I’m just worried it’ll all spill over or explode later if I’ve not dealt with it properly now. Thank for the reply. Hope you’re doing ok x
I did get more emotional a bit later, perhaps a month after discharge. Very wobbly and floods / different layers of emotions. But for me it wasn’t about a baby as people discuss it was more that so many things went wrong, trust in my body, grieving that I believed my fertility could be relied upon etc. Bc it was unviable and so early from the start and also couldn’t be seen possibly bc of fibroids, I don’t feel like it was a baby. The difficulty is there’s a disconnect bc many other ppl do and then I feel I ‘should’. It’s a weird thing
Dear Buddy071
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You have had a lot to deal with recently, especially experiencing ectopic pregnancy whilst abroad. You are trying to come to terms with what has happened and you are definitely not a monster. We all deal with things in our own way. You do whatever you need to do to protect your heart and we will be here for you for as long as you need.
If you are considering trying to conceive again, can I gently remind you that with Methotrexate, you should wait until your hCG levels have fallen to below 5mIU/mL (your doctor will advise you when this is through blood tests) and then take a folic acid supplement for 12 weeks before you try to conceive. This is because the Methotrexate may have reduced the level of folate in your body which is needed to ensure a baby develops healthily. The Methotrexate is metabolised quickly but it can affect the quality of your cells, including those of your eggs and the quality of your blood for up to three months after it has been given. The medicine can also affect the way your liver works and so you need to give your body time to recover properly before a new pregnancy is considered. A shortage of folate could result in a greater chance of a baby having a neural tube defect such as hare lip, cleft palate, or even spina bifida or other NT defects. This is why the “wait” and then taking folic acid for 12 weeks before trying to conceive is so important.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that’s 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.
At the moment, concentrate on you and doing whatever you need to get through this difficult time. I personally found the emotional impact hit after I had been discharged from the hospital, the business of blood tests etc, when I had time to stop and think about what had happened. It is perfectly normal and natural if you are coping with everything in your own way too, we cannot compare ourselves to others. Just know that we will be here for you if needed.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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Thanks both so much for your replies and support. I guess it’s just a matter of time and perspective and just knowing that things are gonna likely crop up from time to time that I might not be expecting. I’m so sorry you’ve both been through this too. Sending hugs x