My EP tale is quite a long one…
I was only 17 when I fell pregnant. I didn’t even know I was pg, I was on the pill and just thought that the weird bleeding was something to do with that. I was in a relationship with someone I shouldn’t have been and had no family support as I wasn’t living with my parents (teenage angst :roll: !) He was separated from his wife and was 11 years my senior.
I remember getting these awful pains down my legs - they were so bad that I couldn’t walk. No abdo pains so didn’t associate them with anything ‘girlie’. I kept thinking that I would go to the GP to ask about it but kept forgetting as the pains only lasted a few hours and it also meant going back to my home town and I really couldn’t be bothered to make the trip. The pains always happened on a saturday morning, strangely.
I went off to work one lunchtime (worked late shifts) not feeling particularly well, but not ill enough to stay ‘home’ (although I didn’t really have a home at this point). The pain came on gradually until it was so bad I didn’t quite know how to stand. Almost like the pain you get with diarrhoea but a million trillion times worse. My teamleader grudgingly sent me home and I got in my car and drove the 20 mins or so back to where I was living. I kept feeling a bit dizzy and sick and didn’t really get what was happening but I don’t remember all of the drive. Little did I know that this was the rupture of my right tube and I was bleeding internally and losing consciousness.
When I got home, I called my mum who I hadn’t spoken to in weeks. The time before that was a huge row where we pretty much decided that we never wanted to see each other again. I don’t know what made me ring, but she was at work 45 minutes away. She asked if it was just a painful period and if it was I should have paracetamol / hot water bottle. I’d always had bad periods and I knew this was different. She said she’d come and get me.
By the time Mum got to me, I was bent double in pain. We went another 20 minutes back the way she’d just come to see the GP. They saw me pretty quickly - I think - it starts getting a bit hazy from here. The GP asked me infront of my parents if I could be pregnant and I instantly replied no. I wasn’t going to admit to being sexually active infront of my mum and dad! They left the room and he asked me again - I answered yes and the ambulance was called. The nearest A&E was a good 55 minute drive away back the way we’d just come.
I can remember only being comfortable right on the edge of the trolley curled up in a tight ball and I remember bits of the journey - the ambulance technician telling mum that I was just sleeping and she didn’t think so. The paramedic driving and stopping at traffic lights then talking to a friend out of his window.
The wonderful nurse who looked after me (I think was called Mark) did as much as he could - it was his first shift and he’d been on duty for 17 hours as it was so busy. I remember bits - poking me in the cheek but it didn’t hurt for a while and when I opened my eyes because it was annoying me the Nurse saying ‘at last, thank you!’ then they couldn’t get a blood pressure reading and my pulse was fading and trying to get into resus but it was full. my mum screaming. asking to cut my clothes off. some doctor my dad knew turning up out of the blue and cannulating me. drips. anaesthetic room. pressure on my throat. out.
I woke up in recovery with a nurse washing blood out of my hair and then being told I was going back to sleep. I was still bleeding. I don’t remember recovery again but I remember going to the gynae ward in the middle of the night.
If it hadn’t been for my mum, I’d be dead now. The doctors told my parents I probably had about 10 minutes left as my abdomen was filled and I’d nearly lost my entire blood volume.
My recovery on the ward was painful, emotionally and physically. I seemed to have a blood transfusion running forever. The girl opposite me joyfully looking at her scan pictures with her DP.
I watched the doors all of the time, I desperatly wanted to see the father of my now dead baby, which I never knew was there. I wanted to be held, to be told everything was OK.
He never came.
I did recover, and was seen in outpatients at the same time as an antenatal clinic where the consultant told me that I had no right being pregnant and the EP was my fault. That I’d never have children.
The following year was horrendous. The father of my EP baby did turn up out of the blue and told me that the relationship was supposed to be ‘no strings’ and it was a good job I was no longer pg. His (separated from) wife found out about our relationship and obviously went mental - she saw herself as the victim which I can kind of understand. We hurt her and I was wrong to do that and I’ll always see my EP as my punishment. I ended up having her cautioned under the Harassment Act as she was following me home, trying to take my car off the road with hers and sending pornographic material to my dad.
My Nan died 4 months later and I decided I had to get away and start again - so I did. I moved 150 miles away where no-one knew me and trained to be a nurse. Within 3 months I met this wonderful man and this time I knew it really was love - unconditional and he loved me as much as I did him. I told him everything - about my EP and relationship with the father of Charlie, my EP baby. It didn’t matter to him though, he still loved me. Didn’t even mind that we’d never have children (or so we thought!)
Within 3 months we were living together and then engaged. We married in 2002. We never used contraception and as I didn’t get pregnant we assumed that the consultant was right - I’d never conceive. We suffered a MC in 2000 which hit us hard. I couldn’t see it as a good sign that I could conceive, just another loss. The baby was named Felix, and Charlie was adopted by DH.
In January 2003, I had surgery for endometriosis (probable cause for EP) and division of adhesions. My LMP was March 2003 and gorgeous Charlotte was born in December 2003. I halted my degree for 10 months maternity leave with her and went back to training to be a midwife in october 2004. On Charlotte’s first birthday I found out I was pregnant for the second time. Neither pregnancy went smoothly but it didn’t matter. I qualified as a midwife with a 2:1 degree in august 2005 and 21 days later Rosie arrived.
My EP was 10 years ago - it still hurts and I wish I had all of my angel babies with me.
This is for you Charlie - I may be the only one to love you but I promise that its a lot of love. I will hold you one day and you will always be a part of this family. I love you.
Felix - I love you too and you’ll know what I mean when I say I’m sorry darling, I’m so sorry.