my story

well heres my story, in early 2003 when i was 19/20

i came on right on time bleeding seemed no different that usual after stopping the pill i was used to my periods lasting 2 weeks minimum so this was no different. i was working as a postie at the time and well one day (very imbarresing) standing on the sorting floor with about 75 men i wet myself!!! i didnt even realise that i done it it just happend.i went really dizzy a threw up, my manager sent me home.i had a couple of day of and then returned to work, on 5th march i went to pub with my then partner to watch footie, all was well few small tummy pains etc, well got in the cab home and it all went off, i was doubled over clutchin my stomach and pukeing for england couldnt walk. got home to my then 3 year old daugter an couldnt even talk to her poor little thing had waited up for me to come home,

well got in and needed to get my jeans of so got undressed into jimjam pain continued, went downstairs and just said to my mum and dad i need to go to the hospital NOW, so of i went to the emergency gp. waited 3 hours to see him bawling my eyes out he wanted a urine sample, i just couldnt do it the pain was to much, he asked me if i thought i was pregnant and i just said well my period came at the usual time, he insisted nothin could be done till i provided a sample so after yet another hour of me sobbin in the hospital toilet trying to make myself wee i finally mananged a small sample, they tested it 4 times all inconclusive so i was sent for an ultrasound they couldnt see anything, so then need a internal scan, they wasnt sure but thought it might be a ectopic, i was then left laying on a bed in the corridor for another hour till i was moved onto the ward, i remember mentioning to my partner i had a strange pain in my right shoulder. thought nothing of it, well the next morning i finally got to see a consultant who asked me if i had experienced any pain in my shoulder YES i said so he went on to tell me that was a common sign of an ectopic also that i had pain in my stomach not when pressure was applied but when it was released!!

i had to wait 3 day and finally at 12.30am on my 4th day in hospital i was taken into theatre.

i woke up at 5am in total agony, amidwife came to me and said the operation had went well and theyd tell me more when i was less groggy. i was busting for the loo by then and the toilet was literally 5 steps from my bed so i went to get up and a nurse came walking over shouting at me to stay in bed, i told her i needed the toilet and she procedded to lift me up (not very gently) and shoved a bed pan under me,

i was in a room with 9 other women and coulnt do it i was soo angrt i was crying my eyes out an threw the pan on the floor in pure rage, the other women on the ward were so nice to me when i woke up in the mornin they had made me a get well card and some silly paper flowers really cheared me up lol.

well i was told that it was an ectopic an it had ruptured had my left tube removed and the other one was blocked so the cleaned out any scar tissue. i had to stay in for another 5 days after that an i just remember crying all the time iwas missing my daughter immensly and just wanted to go home. my mum and dad just said well you didnt wanna get pregnant anyway and if you were you wouldve got rid anyway (nice eh) and then to top it of my partners mum told me how lucky i was an that i could have died!!!(very reasurring i know). well not long after that we split up and i met my now fiancee. in jan 2004 i discovered i was pregnant and i was elated i didnt think it would happen again now have 2 little girls, then may 2005 found out i was pregnant again we were elated we had discussed wanting another child quite quicky as we didnt want to big a gap between them I had my early scan a joy it was in the right place we saw a heartbeat and all was well 2 days later i noticed blood and went straigt to hospital was scanned again and told my baby had died and to go home and come back in a few days, didnt need anything done as all was clear and was advised to wait 2/3month before trying, well we have been trying since then to no avail and i thought that was it for me so kinda gave up. well this week i realised i was late on by a couple of days so done a test (positive)the line was very feint and didnt believe it so i bought another test yesterday and same thing positive yippee. i just can relax till i have my scan and even then i think i’ll be a nervous wreck for at least the first few months lol. i want to celebrate and tell the world but i know i can yet i let it slip the last time and was so sad having to tell every one that id miscarried and hate getting everyones seemingly false sympathy.

this site is brilliant i wish i had found it back then when all i needed was somebody to understand what i was going through so ok the ep wasnt planned and no i didnt want to get pregnant at that time but people were just so cold and unhelpfull, the only person i had to help me through was my 3 year old she was a little star and gave me the strenth to go on an put the bad behind me so strange how a childs words an actions can mean 100 times more than anything a doctor or another adult can say and when she is old enough to understand i will tell her all about it and what a little darling she was looking after her mummy so well…