Hi everyone,
I am 6 days post-op after getting my ruptured pregnancy and fallopian tube removed. My husband and I were not planning on having children for a few more years and I had a hormonal IUD- so I’m sure you can imagine our shock to finding out we were pregnant, let alone that I needed emergency surgery and that we would not be able to keep the baby. I was so scared and shocked that I did not even let myself feel the joy of pregnancy because I knew that I would lose it. After my surgery, I felt that I was still in survival mode, but as I have healed more and more physically, I am finding that I am now able to start processing what the heck happened to my body and soul. I feel so incredibly ripped open and raw and just so so confused and most of all- just at a total loss for what might have been. I am noticing that I can’t think of ANYTHING else, and even if I distract myself for a bit- I just find myself zoning out and getting lost. Although we were not planning this pregnancy, I’m realizing that the only thing I care about is healing my body so that we can start TTC. I don’t know how to describe it but it’s like my body got a small taste of pregnancy and that feeling of GROWING something inside me and I just need to feel that again. So my question is- is this normal??? Or am I just grieving and latching onto this in hopes of trying to fix it? Has anyone else had this experience where they did not want to have a baby yet and then after their unplanned ectopic they want to start trying??? Help hahah. I feel that I’m spiraling.
Dear Tillie,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss. Whether a planned pregnancy or not, ectopic pregnancy throws up an awful lot of emotions from the diagnosis of a potentially life threatening emergency, its treatment and recovery, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are normal and valid.
Ectopic pregnancy can be a stark reminder of what could have been, even if we didn’t even realise we wanted it yet and there are other posts of people feeling the way you do. For now, I would advise taking this time to recover both physically and emotionally and grieve for your loss. We and many other health care professionals advise against trying to conceive for three months following surgery so you can use this time to concentrate on you and your recovery and tho be able to make the decision if wanting to try again is what you want.
We have a trying to conceive board for you too look at If and when you are ready.
Best wishes, Karen x
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