Trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

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I am three days after emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic in my left tube. I was at home, because the doctors were hoping my levels would drop on their own, when I got the most horrendous pain I have ever felt. I had been worrying about a rupture for days and when I started to feel the pain in my shoulder that’s when I knew. It took 45 minutes after the pain had started before I was in my local hospital. During that time I had excruciating pain, cold sweats, shaking and dizziness. I genuinely thought I was going to pass out and not wake up.

After the surgery I was placed in a ward opposite a young woman who had just had surgery to get lymph nodes removed and was scheduled to go in for a double mastectomy in a few weeks, having already lost all her hair in chemotherapy. WOW! This really gave me a different perspective on what I am facing. I no longer have the ability to conceive naturally, as I also lost my right tube to an ectopic 7 months ago and our latest loss is our fourth angel in heaven in 13 months but I am so grateful to still be here. I am so grateful that my fiance and I are in otherwise perfect health. We will grieve and get through this together and then hopefully in time be blessed with our rainbow through IVF.

I know what we have all been through is mentally and physically potentially one of the hardest things we will ever face but the fact that we are still standing after it should be something we are all incredibly proud of.

So far i find the pain much worse this time, or else I have blocked out how bad it was the last time. I feel weaker and the chest/shoulder pain from the Co2 is much much worse. I assume my hormone levels have finally dropped because i just started bleeding today, heavily and with shooting pains for good measure.

I dont think I have processed what has actually happened yet, the whole thing seems so surreal. Don’t give up hope of your rainbow baby because i certainly haven’t. We still have the

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Dear KatyM,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. To lose one baby is difficult enough, to experience multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

Thank you for writing with your more positive perspective. I like you, am incredibly proud of everyone who has the courage to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences​ on these forums.

Don’t forget to allow time to heal, both physically and emotionally. I too am sending positive thoughts for your rainbow baby.

We also have a Preparing for your next pregnancy forum which you can look at as and when you feel ready.

http://www.ectopic.org.uk/talk/viewforum.php?f=3

Sending much love,

Karen x

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Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

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I’m so sorry Katy. Reading your story has made me well up. You sound like such a strong lady. Perspective is everything isn’t it.

I had surgery for my ectopic on the 27th Feb. I have good days and bad days. This ectopic was a shock third pregnancy, I fell whilst changing contraception. My two first pregnancies had no issues and I have two gorgeous children who are 7 and 3. I naively thought nothing like this could happen to me, I’ve never had a problem before why would I now? But now I have been worrying about whether I could cope with trying for another considering how traumatic this ectopic experience has been. I think given time and after reading your strength I definitely can as it is so worth it and like you said, don’t give up hope xxx