Today marks 4 weeks since my surgery (removal of fetus and tube). At the time of my surgery, I didn’t want to ask questions out of fear of the answers but now I do want to know.
So first off, what happened to my baby, where is it now? What did they do with it?
Secondly, they asked my to put on net pants and a pad, then when I woke up, I had no pants on and a clean pad, was I exposed whilst I was not conscious? (Worst fear)
Dear Soph22,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
It is an incredibly difficult experience to go through and unfortunately many of us have had to go through the same.
Based on what we hear from others, women are not automatically told as to what happens to the baby once it has been removed after the surgery. Doctors will have focussed on you and done everything to save your life and to make sure your surgery and recovery goes smoothly. Many women never ask, maybe because it is too painful, or maybe because they try and focus on their own recovery. And for some, like yourself, these questions may arise later. You are absolutely entitled to ask the question about what happened to your baby. Every woman handles this differently.
There are several guidelines for medical professionals to follow regarding the sensitive treatment of your baby. As a result, many hospitals have adopted arrangements with local crematoria for the sensitive disposal but they are guidelines, and procedures vary from hospital to hospital.
The detail for these guidelines can be found by clicking each of the links but please be aware that medical terminology like “foetal remains” may be used which some readers may find upsetting:
The Royal College of Nurses (RCN)
The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG)
The Human Tissue Authority
We recommend that for local information about your hospital, you contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) department and ask what the hospital policy is on the sensitive disposal of foetal remains.
You can speak to someone in the PALS team about what happened and they may be able to help with answers or a way to find answers. You could also request to see your medical records if you feels able to do so as these may contain detail about where the remains were sent.
I am sorry but I cannot comment about what happens during surgery but I can guarantee that you would have been treated with the utmost respect and I suspect if you were bleeding they would have changed your pad and kept you covered.
Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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