Pregnancy 2yr Post Ectopic

NewbieFP · 8 January 2023 20:37

2 years ago, I had an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in the surgical removal of my left FT and diagnosed PTSD from the experience. I posted on here 2 years ago. Ive had alot of therapy and I feel like Ive come a long way with the mental and physical scars of that time.

Me and husband finally felt ready for the last step, trying again in december. Well, I’m now 2 weeks pregnant according to the clearblues and I am terrified. I’ve had 2 sets of blood tests for HCG 48hrs apart which showed a normal HCG increase and am having another set done tomorrow to confirm another 48hrs.

I thought I was ready, but now that the concious control of the situation is gone, I’m scared to do anything. I’m scared to go to the toilet in case of blood. I’m scared of every errant ache across my stomach even if I’m just sat normally. I’m a shaking mess having to go back to the unit I had my ectopic and PTSD 2 years ago. I get so scared, then I get more scared that my shaking and panicing will make me miscarry even if it isn’t ectopic. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I feel so guilty for the fear and for seeing my husband becoming a bundle of nerves having to see and deal with me like this. My therapist is on sick leave and I just need to know… How do you stop being afraid? Its only week 2, we haven’t told anyone due to how early it is and I just need someone to tell me my fear is valid but manageable. That we can do this.

EPT_Host_20 · 8 January 2023 21:12

Dear NewbieFP,

Whispered congratulations on your pregnancy,

After an ectopic pregnancy, finding we are pregnant again can be a mix of emotions and I can completely understand your feeling the way you do. It is perfectly normal to feel scared after our previous experience and especially when we are unsure what is happening to our bodies.

When I next fell pregnant my mind also started racing and I was only really able to relax to some degree after my early scan. It is a nerve-wracking time and you have friends here who understand how you are feeling.

I think focusing on one day at a time maybe helpful at this stage. Your hCG bloods have doubled, which is very positive. Tomorrow when you have another doubling of bloods, keep that positive feeling in your head. Take a deep breath every time you need to visit the toilet and think of those doubling levels before you cross the threshold (so to speak). If you can get hold of your therapist when they are back from leave, I would also.

I wish I could give you a way to pass the time. Try to keep your mind as busy as you can. Reading, box sets, going for walks, meeting friends etc. We of course are here for you too.

Don’t forget to book in for your early scan at around 6 weeks. You can do this by calling your local EPU directly and reminding them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. If they do not accept direct patient referrals, please speak to your GP practice who will be able to arrange this for you.

You CAN do this. We are all here with you sending positive thoughts,

Sending much love,

Karen x

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Emmapx · 8 January 2023 21:29

Hey NewbieFP,

I’ve just seen this post and decided to have a look at your post form 2020, im so sorry you went through that and felt that way, im 1 week after being discharged from epu with my ectopic pregnancy, which was treated with mtx injection, and I just wanted to say atm I really resonate with your previous post, I feel this way atm and also feel like I may be dealing with anxiety and ptsd from the situation! Now that im discharged I feel like everyone is just expecting me to be over it and get on with life as though nothings happened, and really im just starting to understand what’s gone on and grieve.

Can I ask how did u go about getting therapy ?

Also sending whispering congratulations on your pregnancy and keeping my fingers crossed all is okay

NewbieFP · 8 January 2023 22:29

Hi both,

To start, thank you Karen for your kind words. Your response made me feel a loy more centre and a lot less ‘crazy’. I definitely think I need to focus on putting one foot after the other and taking one day at a time like you say. I’m ok today and thats all that matters. I was immediately referred to my local EPU on positive test and they plan to monitor me every 48hrs/ then weekly until Im able to have the scan. They’ve already set up plans for what and when based on HCG levels.

I can’t say I’ll be fine even after the scan. I know it sounds so silly, but I still dont know what is correct healthy pregnancy and what is abnormal. Maybe when we reach the point of announcing, Ill have more people who can give their experiences and help with reassurance. Thank you for your response and making me feel a little less alone in a very lonely experince.

Emma, thank you also for reaching out. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve just gone through and Im wishing you all the best in your recovery. I think, at the time, our minds shut down. Emotionally cutting off to protect us. I contacted my GP, very angry and hurt, I had terrible nightmares. They refered me for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Sounds silly at first. I was very sceptical. But they gave me the time and the space, guided me through every single step of really analysing what happened. The who, the why, my thoughts and behaviours. Every emotion at every step so my brain could actually process the event. For me, CBT was very helpful. Not just ‘how does that make you feel’, a structured plan to work through how to take all the scary stuff out your mind and put it back so it fits.

It works for some, not for others. I would definitely recommend giving it a go. Taking it a step at a time was important for recovery too. Be kind to yourself, give yourself a break and treat yourself like you would treat a best friend if they went through this. It does get easier.

Elephant_1 · 11 January 2023 08:38

Hey Newbie,

My heart goes out to your reading your post! Do you have any update for us now? All still heading in the right direction?

I am HOPEFULLY 2 weeks away from being discharged, I had my MTX injection 29th Nov and it’s been a slow and bumpy ride. But because I’m getting married in June 24, I REALLY want to be pregnant by May 23… I feel like my clock is ticking but mentally I am NOT prepared. I already know I am going to be an absolute mess!

I have my first therapy session today, they originally referred me for CBT but when I got there they said I needed counselling first to unpack all the trauma and then come back for CBT to learn the methods to deal with this anxiety. So glad it helped you though! It gives me hope!

I’m always here if you want to chat through any of your concerns and worries! Xxxxx

88Claire19 · 12 January 2023 20:24

Hi

I completely understand how you feel. I had a ruptured ectopic pregancy in September 22. I had my right tube removed and was convinced that I wouldn’t get pregnant again. I am very lucky to already have 2 children from a previous relationship but I’m 35, nxt month so knew my clock was ticking. I am now around 8 weeks pregnant and constantly worrying. I had a scan at 5w4 days where they confirmed my pregnancy was in the right place and 10 days later I went and they confirmed there was a heartbeat. I cried with relief the wait for those scans was unbearable. I feel anxious on a daily basis… Doesn’t help that I suffer with anxiety anyway but the whole ruptured ectopic left me traumatised. Only my partner and I know that I’m pregnant again which is really difficult as I’m struggling… Not sure if it’s my age but definitely feeling tired and pretty rubbish most days and feel terrible that the kids keep asking if I am OK. I just want to get to 2nd trimester and I will begin to relax… I think. Its very different to my previous pregnancies. I had pre-eclampsia with my first and was classed as high risk with my 2nd but being pregnant after a loss is a completely different ball game. The level of worry is just on a whole different level. I really hope you get some reassurance soon and as others say just try take one day at a time. I am really trying to do that and not think too far ahead.

Let us know how you get on and take care.

NewbieFP · 16 January 2023 08:58

Well to update, I’m no longer pregnant.

Had the bloods done monday evening. Tuesday morning had a voicemail left at midnight by a nurse saying the HCG had increased but not doubled and I should get a call from a consultant soon. I called 4 times to reception that day to be told they were busy and Id receive the call back in the next few hours. I had a panic attack, my husband had a breakdown. We finally got a call back from a nurse wednesday morning to bring me in for a scan/ bloods. Too early to see anything on scan but my HCG had dropped.

A failed pregnancy is what they’re calling it since it wasnt far enough along to be considered miscarriage. I bled over the weekend.

I wish I had better news to give and honestly, everything felt RIGHT until I went back into the EGU. I had no symptoms, and was sure it was a good one. Then things went down hill when I went in. Even one of the nurses said me ‘carrying on’ like I was (shaking, crying, panicing) ‘wasn’t helping’.

I’ve resolved to not think about it. As horrible as it sounds, it could have been worse. I also know for next time to fight my corner. That if I have to go to an EGU, Ill go elsewhere. None of this ‘they handled your case 2 years ago so we have to refer you to them’ crap. We’re going to take a week to breathe through and then we’re going to try again.

Wishing you all the best with your plans Elephant and whispered congratulations Claire. I hope we all manage to overcome our worry in the near future.

EPT_Host_20 · 16 January 2023 20:54

Dear Newbie,

I am so sorry to hear this and of the way you were spoken too by the hospital staff. Take the time to grieve and to heal both physically and emotionally. We are hear for you for as long as you need. These boards are safe spaces for you to ask questions or let out your feelings. Journaling can also be a good way of noting our feelings too.

Sending much love and warm hugs,