Need to talk…

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1

Hi, I’ve never joined any forums or anything before but felt like I needed to talk to other people that understand.

So, me and partner had been trying for a baby for 3 years with no joy and then at the end of June I finally got a positive pregnancy test but our happiness was short lived as 5 days later I had heavy bleeding and assumed I’d miscarried. I went to A&E and was referred to the EPU, blood tests showed HCG was rising but not doubling so I had an internal scan done. This showed that my pregnancy had a heartbeat but had implanted in my cervix (I didn’t even know this was possible). Then after another scan last Friday the doctor said I needed an operation that day the remove the pregnancy, suddenly I had heavy bleeding and was rushed into theatre. Physically I came through it ok but emotionally I’m struggling to process everything as we had waited so long for this and it all ended so quickly and in such a scary way. I don’t know what to say to my partner either and I think he feels like I’m pushing him away but I just don’t know how to cope with it all right now.

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get it all out xx

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Hi Karen86,

I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this, especially after trying for 3 years to get pregnant. Implantation on the cervix is extremely rare. Everything you’ve been through would cause emotional distress, physically and emotionally. Also that it happened so quickly after getting your positive.

It must be like an out of body experience, that’s how my ectopic experience was and my pregnancy. I’d been trying for a year single, through iuis and then ivf, got pregnant last November, then had pains in my side, spotting, weeks later the EPU finally said it was ectopic, had the methotrexate injection, I bled and had intermittently painful contractions, with insignificant pan relief, ended in March. I was traumatised by the experience plus thinking I could still rupture at any moment.

I tried again my second period after because in my research It says you are more fertile after a pregnancy loss. To try within 3 months. I was still traumatised though. I didn’t get pregnant, then tried last month got pregnant, but the lines faded so now I’m currently waiting for my period / pregnancy bleed.

So I know you’re feelings are raw and it’s hard to see the bigger picture but all is not lost, you got pregnant once that’s what your body is showing you so capable of another. If you are finding it hard you may find couples counselling helpful, I think it’s bad aftercare isn’t offered by the nhs, that wasn’t offered once to me actually I’m appalled by my experience with them.

You aren’t alone that’s for sure, try and communicate with your partner, if you can’t verbalise everything just tell him that and tell him in time you will, just keep him in the loop so there’s no alienating.

Karen86:
Hi, I’ve never joined any forums or anything before but felt like I needed to talk to other people that understand.

So, me and partner had been trying for a baby for 3 years with no joy and then at the end of June I finally got a positive pregnancy test but our happiness was short lived as 5 days later I had heavy bleeding and assumed I’d miscarried. I went to A&E and was referred to the EPU, blood tests showed HCG was rising but not doubling so I had an internal scan done. This showed that my pregnancy had a heartbeat but had implanted in my cervix (I didn’t even know this was possible). Then after another scan last Friday the doctor said I needed an operation that day the remove the pregnancy, suddenly I had heavy bleeding and was rushed into theatre. Physically I came through it ok but emotionally I’m struggling to process everything as we had waited so long for this and it all ended so quickly and in such a scary way. I don’t know what to say to my partner either and I think he feels like I’m pushing him away but I just don’t know how to cope with it all right now.

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get it all out xx

3

Dear Karen,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and to heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

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Hi I needed to talk too am currently in hospital suffering my second ectopic I’ve now lost my remaining tube am absolutely heartbroken and my heads a mess I’ve been told I can’t have anymore children unless it’s ivf I don’t know the point of this post just reaching out for support and if anyone else is or has been through the same am only 34 x

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Hey

I’m so sorry. Please don’t lose hope. It’s still raw and upsetting, it’s natural to feel heartbroken. When you are ready ivf is free for women under 40 on the nhs and there are schemes where you can get ivf cheaper if you are 39 and under. I’ve had ivf and I was petrified and it’s really not bad or painful. So I’m just saying please know there is hope.

Kimbo88:
Hi I needed to talk too am currently in hospital suffering my second ectopic I’ve now lost my remaining tube am absolutely heartbroken and my heads a mess I’ve been told I can’t have anymore children unless it’s ivf I don’t know the point of this post just reaching out for support and if anyone else is or has been through the same am only 34 x

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I am so sorry ladies you are experiencing this. Its honestly the most scary experience I’ve had to deal with, my 3 previous miscarriages were nothing in comparison to an ectopic. My ectopic: I was in hospital 27th June about to get tube removed but then I opted for Methotrexate (even though 4 consultants told me surgery). Had to have 2 doses but so glad I didn’t do surgery- it felt so unnatural to go against medical advice plus you have to make decisions so quickly when you’re not really with it. Once you’ve worked out how to 'remove’the baby then you’re left with the emotional side - devastation, guilt, why me, resentment, emptiness etc.

Anyway, My EPU recommended NHS IAPT talking therapies. Now usually it’s against my nature to go for therapy, I usually get on with it but I thought I’ll sign up and see, no harm in that- its free & being offered. It’s brilliant, I had a call 3 days after I filled in form, to book an appointment the following week. I thought I wouldn’t be able to open up, thought I’d be wasting their time but she was fabulous and I found it really cathartic to be able to offload without feeling guilty that I’m burdening family/friends and you can say anything - sometimes I feel embarrassed to admit some of my thoughts to family/friends but I knew I could say anything. 7 days after, I got a call offering me 2 services - either to continue with them or to be referred to something called Seen which deals specifically with miscarriage councilling, I’ve been told there’s no waiting list so going to go with them, so waiting to organise that now. I’ve been impressed with the speed because was told it could take 3 months which would not be helpful because need it now when it’s so raw. My point is, look into it, it may be helpful- I’m hoping it’ll help me to move on a little quicker because I want my baby but I’m so fearful for the future after this 4th loss!

Kimbo88 I am just so sorry you have experienced this, even though I can’t relate entirely I understand the fear. I would suggest trying to find forum/groups who have been through this, I have seen many women who have had successful IVF after losing both tubes. I think it’s hard to change what we imagined would happen but give yourself time and I promise you there are options. Sending you so much love & strength :revolving_hearts: