Cervical Ectopic

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Hi. I had IVF and a positive pregnancy test. After this I had some bleeding and then my HCG levels started to falter, I took time off work labelled at first as a threatened miscarriage. However nothing showed on US and I got listed for an emergency laparoscopy to rule out ectopic 3 weeks ago. The laparoscopy was inclusive and as the HCG was still climbing I had an MRI to assess further. This showed a cervical ectopic so opted for a surgical evacuation which I had on 21/3, after weighing up the bleeding risk due to the cervical location.

We have been trying to have a family for just under 4 years and had an early loss in December preceded by 3 failed embryo transfers prior to that. I also have no embryos left.

I’m finding isolation difficult as I don’t really want to talk on the phone about and annoyed with myself as I can’t seem to have and “get and go”. I’m due back at work in 9 days and will have had 6 weeks off due to the preceding presumed miscarriage nonsense. I work in nhs so my job will continue. The people who do know seem to be just be ignoring the situation, asking me if I’ve read any nice books or sending me recipes like I’m on a holiday.

I’m having some time where I feel ok, but some really low points. Obviously the surgery has been upsetting, I found the laparoscopy came right out the blue and was frighting. I also feel a bit of a fraud as I’ve not lost a tube or had any of the other horrid complications some women on here have. I’m worried about not being at work, or would it better to be there as if actually be able to see other people. I did post on another more generic forum and one person replied and said she’d “almost died on the Monday and was working the next week”. Why on earth someone would feel the need to say this I’m not sure.

Any advice? Either on how to move forward or time needed to recover.

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Dear Mallard21,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Although you may feel physically strong enough to return to work, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required.

After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Take each day as it comes. There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

Although well meaning, I also found that my friends and family didn’t truly understand how I was feeling.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team