I met my partner approx 3 years ago, after seeing each other for a while we decided to buy a house together and 6 weeks before we were due to move into our house I found out I was pregnant. Everything seemed perfect and we were so happy.
I started having serious abdominal pain about 1 week before we were due to move, I went to the hospital and got the same story, ‘we know you need a scan but we can’t fit you in, your probably having a miscarriage’, how comforting!
I just knew something was really wrong and I persisted.
Anyway, several ambulance calls and hospital visits later I went for my scan, and straight away they took me in for surgery, it was a live ectopic, which was the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with, wanting my baby so much and knowing that I couldn’t keep it , knowing that it was trying to survive, seeing the heartbeat on the screen, I just wanted to curl up and die. I had the surgery the day we moved into our house. Being in the hospital on my own was awful.
After coming round from surgery the consultant (who they called in to do the surgery because it was so big) said that I was lucky to be alive and if I had left it just 1 day later I wouldn’t be here today. They took my baby and my tube, patched me up and sent me away. No follow up, no councelling, nothing.
After that I just moved on with my life, concentrated on the house and my job.
About 2 weeks ago, I had that feeling I was pregnant and did a test, I went to my doctors and she said that she couldn’t do a reassurance scan and that I must have mixed up my dates because she was surprised that a test was even showing a +ve.
Anyway, I decided to book a private scan to see what was going on, even though I knew it was too early to ‘see’ anything, it showed that my uterus lining was thick and it was a good sign, but I had my doubts, you just know don’t you?
Anyway I started having pains and bleeding and I was terrified it was happening again, I went to A&E who monitored my blood and told me that my HCG levels were coming down, I also passed some tissue and large clots and that was it - I had miscarried. I feel devastated, I’m sure you all understand.
I haven’t told anyone at work, I miscarried on the Sunday and went to work on the Monday as if nothing had happened, I couldn’t face telling anyone that I had lost another baby, I feel such a failure.
My partner has been great, I love him so much and without his support I think I would have gone mad.
My only consolation is that my little bean made it to the right place but just couldn’t stay.
My point is, I nearly died had it not been for my determination at a time when I was in great pain. You have to persist, there is nothing like female intuition, no one knows our bodies like we do.
One day I will be a mum, I will never give up on a miracle.