Hello all, I am sorry you are all finding me in here and I am sorry for all your journeys you have been on and the losses and heartbreak you have been through xxx
I am so glad I have came across this forum and though it saddens me deeply that I have had to join here, I am looking forward to talking to you all xxx
I thought I would tell you my story :
My name is Fiona and I am 29 years old, I am married to a wonderful husband who is my life and has got me through very dark days recently and in the past. We have been married 6.5 years and together nearly 8 years. We decided to start trying for a baby after we married in 2007. Our first pregnancy didn’t happen till 2010 which very sadly resulted in a complete miscarriage. We then didn’t get pregnant again until 2011 which again very sadly ended in a complete miscarriage. With both of these pregnancies I was 5 weeks pregnant.
Before our pregnancy in 2010 we had been referred to a fertility consultant and I was sadly diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). I suffer very severely with this and my ovaries were described as wearing a pearl necklace as the space between them was minimal and the cysts large. We were given clomid and never fell pregnant while I was on this. I also had a lap and dye to check my tubes but all came back clear.
We then decided to take a break from the clomid and was advised that we both had to lose weight in order to receive fertility treatment. I then fell pregnant but like I said we fell pregnant but lost our first angel “William” we continued on our journey and managed to lose a little bit of weight and we fell pregnant again in August of 2011 but lost our second angel “Alfie” we then continued on our journey. We both lost weight. I have now lost 8 stone and hubby lost nearly 4 stone, but still we never fell pregnant. However we know fulfilled the treatment for fertility treatment so went back for all the tests and waited …
On October 12th 2013 (while still waiting to hear off our fertility consultant) we found out we were pregnant (completely naturally) we were ecstatic. We really thought this time would be different. We were both lighter and healthier than we had ever been and everything about this pregnancy was different. I am a complete test addict and through the time we knew we were expecting, took 25 tests and they were getting darker daily and the clearblue digital changed from 2-3 weeks to 3+ weeks like it should have done. We were ecstatic. Then things started going wrong 
I started bleeding, two weeks after finding out. It was only really old blood and I still felt pregnant and wasn’t too worried. We went for our Early Bird session with the midwife and I spoke to her and they just said to keep an eye on it. By the Tuesday, it was still old blood but had got slightly heavier though still not enough to soak a pad so I went to the doctors, he told me then that any bleeding is a threatened miscarriage, I knew it wasn’t going to be a miscarriage. Call it what you like, mother intuition, but I knew something wasn’t right but knew it wasn’t going to end in a miscarriage. On the Wednesday it had eased up so I just rested but by the Thursday it was back again though still not heavy enough to even be wearing a towel. I also had no pain. I went back to the doctors though and she said because of my miscarriages she would refer me for an early scan, she did it there and then for the next day. On the Friday we went to the EPAU and this is where it all went wrong …
First of all they took us for a scan and tried to do an over tummy one but as expected they didn’t see anything (I was 5 weeks 6 days) they said my scan was inconclusive and wanted to do my bloods. Nothing more was really explained to us. They took me into a room to do my bloods and I told the junior doc I had trouble with my veins so without even trying elsewhere she went into the back of my hand, it really hurt and resulted in me fainting. The kept me resting on the bed and they couldn’t get my blood pressure to rise and it was really low for a good while, I was also beginning to feel really sick so they admitted me to a bed where I spent most the day sleeping. A consultant then came to see us to say my bloods were back but they were happy that though the pregnancy was ectopic it was dissolving naturally so I could go home and wait for my baby to come away, I knew they were wrong but we cried a lot at this point. We were told we could go home so we started getting ready. We then had a nurse come in to tell us that a consultant wanted to see us so we wasn’t allowed to go home yet! It was whirlwind day! The consultant then came to see and the first thing he said was “so your bleeding with a lot of pain?” and I said “No, I am hardly bleeding at all and I have had no pain” He said “do you still feel pregnant?” I said I did so at 5:30pm he said he was getting the scan room ready and would be scanning me himself. He took us through to the scan room and like earlier he couldn’t see a baby in the womb but could see a dark patch in my right tube but could also see something on the left hand side as well. He said he wasn’t 100% convinced it was ectopic or if our baby just hadn’t made it to the correct place yet so he said he was happy to let me home to go back on the Sunday but if I had heavier bleeding or pain then to go straight back in. We went home Friday evening and Saturday passed without any more bleeding or pain and still very strong positive tests. We went back to the hospital not really knowing what to expect. We were rescanned straight away but the consultant we saw Sunday and he really had a good luck and even tried to hear a heartbeat but unfortunately there wasn’t anything and it was confirmed we did have an ectopic They wanted to retest my blood levels and this time was a little more successful but being Sunday we did a lot of waiting around. They were convinced that my levels would have dropped enough to be able to be administered methotrexate and monitored but by the times my bloods had come back my levels had tripled so they admitted me there and then and told me surgery would happen that evening. I felt so empty (still do really) just couldn’t believe this was happening to us. We were taken to the ward and waited and waited and waited I was finally taken for my operation at 10pm on Sunday, 27th October where they took my baby at 6 weeks gestation and my right tube and also went into my left side as they weren’t sure if there was an ectopic on that side as well. Luckily there wasn’t.
I am struggling so much, our hearts are broken, not only have we lost another baby we have also lost my tube and our chances of falling pregnant again. The days are dark and our hearts are breaking and I now suffering with anxiety problems. Sometimes I am ok, the next day not. I am not sleeping properly, not eating properly and suffering terrible nightmares. I am also just recovering from an infection in my belly bound wound and now have another infection in my left side ironically the side they didn’t have to go into. I know it is still early days and I know/hope things will get better soon. But we want a baby now we waited so long for this but it wasn’t to be. I can’t describe the pain we are in losing our baby, this one feels worse somehow if that is even possible? I am a broken person.
This has taken me a couple of hours to write as its hard to see it wrote down Its only been two weeks I know that but though I am not happy I am having to post in this forum I am happy to be able to talk to others that understand.
Thank you for reading xxxx