Sorry it is so long but wanted to get it off my chest somewhere and it seems nobody at home wants to listen… Even if nobody reads this I have finally got it out of my system…
My first Ectopic and my miscarry are only a small write up compared to what happened to me in the last week but mean just as much to me… While I will never be over what happened to me this is the one that hurts more now… So I have to write more about it…
On the 12th Oct 1995 I had my first operation for my first ectopic. Not really knowing too much and in shock to even know I was pregnant. Went in for the as they say “simple procedure†The doctors made a mistake and cut my main artery and main vein and killed me but thank god there was the right kind of doctor near theatre doors who could save my life (now I don’t say this to scare everyone it just part of my story and wont go into all of that cuz you would be here forever). So after 6 hours of now major surgery I finally make it into ICU and spend 3 months in hospital. Being told I may never have children again kind of scared me. But im not one to give up hope.
7th April 2003 suffering what I thought was really bad period pains head to the doctor to be informed I am having a miscarriage. That took me by surprise too cuz after so many years of nothing I just guess well I really cant have kids.
To where I am now.
23rd Sept my periods are due. But already had a funny feeling I was pregnant. Don’t know why but I did. So did 4 tests all come back positive. I think it was the shock I was pregnant that I had to do 4. Lol
25th Sept Go to my doctor who was excited as me and wanted to do another test just so she too could see it go positive. (Im lucky my doctor is pretty nice). She sends me off for all the normal tests and stuff they do when you have had a previous ectopic to make sure everything is ok. I get the all clear and now it’s time to celebrate cuz it’s finally happening to me. Woohoo
2nd Sept have a very small amount of brown bleeding and hit panic stations. Everyone is telling me it is ok but I want to go to hospital. Get there and they ask about abdominal pains???.. “ Nup could run around the hospital if you asked me too I feel fine†anymore bleeding?? “Nup†they do blood tests again HCG levels are going up. Go home everything is fine.
12th Sept Due to me having a very odd belly cuz of the first ectopic im booked in to the early pregnancy clinic to have tests done every week!! (Everyone was on their toes with me but knew all was fine).
They decide to do ultrasound to see where this bleeding on Sunday was coming from. So I thought ehh yeah why not. Baby is fine let’s go look-see.
They’re doing the ultrasound while im trying not to pee my pants from so much water I had to drink. And the lady says, “Want to see the baby??†which at this time we referred to as the dot on the screen well derrrr of course I did. So they show me. All excited there it was. Was definitely ok. And I can fully rest. And be happy that the blood was not the baby.
Off in my own little day dream world. I hear the nurse say to the other lady. “Oh what’s that??†Thinking nothing of it I go on my merry way daydreaming. They finish the exam I go get dressed to come walking back in to a doctor. Who quiet rudely goes. You’re having another ectopic. What they saw turned out to be a blood clot. Now im worried due to your previous operation to operate on you but lets discuss this. I broke down and didn’t want anyone near me. I wanted my mum and I wanted to go home. How dare this man tell me my cupcake and the nurses for the last week referred to as my dot was an ectopic? And I had no pain or bleeding this man was insane. I wanted them to check again. It wasn’t right.
But I called mum they had me in the ward ready to operate and I go in at 7:30pm mum and I crying the whole way to theatre doors where I think I am never going to see my mum again. . Being told they have to go in up near my ribs with the camera but after that they don’t know where to cut me open due to the last operations stuff up … I was so scared!!!
I wake up in recovery where they tell me all was ok and that was it for me. I was awake. I wanted my parents and I wanted to go home and forget it happened. Which at 10:30 at night 3 hours of surgery im going nowhere.lol.
What shocked me the most was my so called friend who is friends with my now ex bf decides to make a phone call to me the following day to say they didn’t believe I was pregnant. That I wasn’t in hospital and I was doing it to seek attention. Yeah hello kick me while im down hey. I might add I will be never talking to them again.
I think the main thing that did hurt afterwards was everyone reaction to what I went thru. I had the operation I was ok. But everyone wanted to know why I was crying. I felt like screaming and saying. How would you like it if they took your child you wanted away from you?!?
SO here I am a few days later at home. Where my mother thinks it’s easier to not talk about it and tell me I am silly for crying. And all my friends on the net wont message me cuz they think I have the plague or something. I know it is cuz they don’t know what to say. But being able to message your friends and talk about things helps. Even if they don’t know what to say… sometimes it helps to ramble on to someone… Ehh oh well
Thanks for reading my story