I need to talk to somebody.
At 2022 I had wonderful pregnancy, got pregnant at the first time. Everything was okay and at this moment i have almost 3 years old beautiful daugther.
But at 2024 summer me with my husband wanted another baby. An I got pregnant again at the first time, but there was but. My first HCG level was very low. I did not wanted to realise that there is something wrong. I got testet my HCG every 2-3 days and that level still was low. I was very sad, I cried a lot. That was a disaster. I had an ectopic pregnancy diagnosis in my right tube by scan. Then my gyn and I decided to take methotrexate. And after 5 days I got my right tube ruptured, had bleeding inside and I had an emergancy surgery, my right tube was removed. I felt like a mess after that situation. Of course I was happy that I am alive, but still grief was very deep.
As we know, after methotrexate there ir recomendation not to get pregnant aprox 6 months. So we were waiting this time. And after 7 months, this spring we were ready to try again. But ther was but again…
I had late my period but my pregnancy test was negative. I was repeated my pregnancy tests but they still were negative. Then after 6 week after my last period my test was positive. I was careful in my feelings. I wanted to understand that this time there will be everything okay. My HCG doubled that was good sign, but at my first scan gyn did not saw my pregnancy in uterus or in other place. There was 3 scenarios - again ectopic, miscarrige or low gestational age. I repeated my blood tests. HCG rose but this was in the lowest normal range. My blood progesterone also was elevated like in pregnancy but at lowest normal reference range. And then last sunday I had pain in my left lower side abdomen. I understand that I have an ectopic again. I was scary that I will rupture again. Next day I repeted blood tests and scan where gyn said that I have ectopic pregnancy again in my left (last) tube. I felt that this would not be a normal pregnancy but I really hoped that this will be a miscarriage and not the ectopic. But life is cruel. I had a choice - try a methotrexate again or go to surgery and remove my last tube. At first I said that I want to save my last tube. But I talked with different gyn and they said that if it would resolve with methotrexate, the risk of tube rupture at home is high several months and high will be the risk for next ectopic pregnancy in this tube. I remeber how terrible was my first rupture. My first daugther need a mommy and my husband need his wife. I remember how worried was my husbad at my first ectopic when he realised that I could not make it. So I decided for repeated surgery. Doctors removed my last tube 5 days ago. At now I am physically safe at home with no risk of rupture. But emotionally I am dying. I have all the emotions that is normal about grieving. I understand everything, I understand my emotions. I understand that I need a time and there will be better time for me. But I am at this moment at now and now I am very sad.
I now that we are not alone and we are grieving all together. I just hope, that strength will come faster to us.
Dear Maiiriite,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy losses. Experiencing one loss is difficult, dealing with multiple losses, especially when your chance of natural conception has been taken away from you, is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.
As you have said, you will need time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally from this ordeal. It can take up to 3months to even begin processing traumatic events such as these, so please be kind to yourself in the coming days, weeks and months.
These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions and even vent. We also have email or telephone call back support if you would prefer more personalised support. We will simply be here for you.
Sending much love and gentle hugs,
Karen x
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I’ve not used this board since my first ectopic pregnancy in Summer 2021, but logged on today thinking I should give an update of everything that’s happened since then, which consists of highs and lows but ultimately ends in positivity in the hope it will help others like me and you . I came across your post.
Our stories are similar in having experienced two back-to-back ectopic pregnancies, tube removal, but fortunate to be able to conceive very quickly.
Slight differences in that my ectopics occured during my first two pregnancies, my first was resolved via Mtx and 2nd occurrence happened again in the same tube so I opted to have it removed.
I don’t have experience of a rupture so my sympathy goes out to you for going through what must have been a traumatic time, sending hugs! I could write an essay but in short, I was okay after ectopic #1 but really struggled mentally after #2. I was told re-occcurence in right tube was very likely a 3rd time and whilst it felt a sensible decision to remove tube, it affected me a lot. Although I could have tried naturally, I didn’t want to risk a 3rd ectopic and chance my left tube so I happily went down the IVF route as my plan forward. Fortunately, because I had always been able to conceive fairly easily, the IVF process was pretty quick and it worked first time and resulted in a successful and smooth pregnancy with live birth in 2023. Fast forward and today I am 38 weeks pregnant due to give birth next week with my second child! If only we could have a crystal ball and know our future, it would have helped me a lot and easy much of my anxiety back in 2021-2023 to know that everything would work out ok and we’d get our happy ending .
I’m not sure of your plan forward, or if you even know at this time. Take this time to grieve and look after yourself, be kind to yourself because you’ve had a tough time! If your future takes you down IVF, I hope you’ll find it reassuring that IVF works brilliantly for people like us who don’t have fertility issues per se, but “just” need the embryo implanted in the right place. I send you my best wishes and strength for overcoming this chapter, but I am very confident that your next chapter will also end up in success and a happy ending. Happy to answer any questions, and would love updates x
Thank you very much for your heart-warming story. Of course I feel sorry for your first bad experiences, but fell very happy for your happy ending!
At this moment I really don’t know if we will try an IVF route. But I am already in some IVF support groups to understand what it means and to read other women’s experiences. This is some kind of therapy for me, to see that there are still options. And your words that “IVF works brilliantly for people like us who don’t have fertility issues per se, but “just” need the embryo implanted in the right place” is very inspiring for me.
I wish you an easy birth next week and lots of milk. I wish you the best!
. I came across your post.