Hi Everyone
I’m new on here literally don’t know what to say or how to begin. Right now I’m currently still in hospital and I just feel numb. The staff have been lovely but I’m just another bed really they dont have a clue, I’m in gynaecology which is located in the maternity unit how ironic.
My story. I suffered my first etopic pregnancy in 2012 I was only 21 and have never heard of it before, unfortunately I didn’t have much time to research as my tube had ruptured and I was taken straight to theatre and had my right tube removed. I don’t really know how I felt I left hospital emotional and down but I never recieved any help. There was never any offer of support, counselling or follow up. I already had a little girl who was 1 and I think she got my through it.
I was automatically high risk now for any pregnancy. I suffered 2 further miscarriages. I was very blessed mind you to have 2 other rainbow daughters after each lost. Fast forward to now.
I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This would have been my 4th child. I felt absolutely fine there was no bleeding or cramping. I went to early pregnancy and had my HCG levels done and a scan, scan was too early. HCG levels came back OK. I continued the bloods every 2 days for a week. The levels were rising but not doubling which was making them concerned. I still felt fine in myself no bleeding or pain. I was offered a 2nd scan which showed no visible pregnancy in the uterus. There was a mass in my left tube. Along with the bloods this was pointing to a 2nd ectopic. I went into complete denial. I then had to be admitted to hospital a few days later for cramp. Still no bleeding levels still rising. I was given 2 options after a 3rd scan to confirm same as 2nd. To have surgery or methotrexate. I decided to go for methotrexate as I only had 1 tube left.
After the methotrexate initially I felt OK, I got mild pain after a few days, felt sick nothing major. Day 4 my bloods rised as normal. Day 7 they started to come down significantly all seemed positive. Day 9 I suffered quite a server bleed right through my clothes onto my sofa and was passing quite alot of clots. Initially I thought ok this must be the pregnancy passing. Maternity unit told me to keep An eye on it.
Day 10 I had sudden pain I decide to go lie in my bed. Took painkillers and nothing was touching it I then could not move my lower body it was so sore. I had to call an ambulance. On arrival to A&E I was refused painkillers as it wasn’t in the time zone for more!!! I was in server pain and had to wait 2 hours for the doctor to come down. Thankfully she gave me morphine 2 Jags and I still could not move they then gave me co-codamol still didn’t touch the pain. Scan showed bleeding inside the tube had ruptured and so did my future…
I went straight to surgery. This morning I was told the worst news ever I lost my 2nd tube. So this is my fate. I am 29 years old and I am now infertile and I am completely heartbroken and numb. All my family and friends keep saying to me is you have 3 beautiful kids your so blessed etc. Believe me I know how blessed I am and I love my kids more than life.
But does that mean I’ve not to grieve my lost?.
Ive not to be hurting so bad I can’t think of anything else!
I can’t sleep properly
I can’t eat properly
I don’t want to speak to anyone.
Where do I go from here what the hell happenes now, how do I begin to process and heal…
If you are in my position or been in my position please send me some advice. Much love x