my babies

i am thinking of you so much today that it kills me.

you would be in my arms now, about 1 month old and i would feel so happy. i miss you so so much and what could have been. i try to be really positive but today i cant. i wish i could have held you, felt you and smelt your lovely baby smell. I wish i could have stared at you all day, getting lost in your eyes. i wish i could have brought you lovely clothes and taken you for walks. I wish i could have seen you grow and hear your first words, your first steps, your first birthday. I wish i was with you both today.