Hi my name is Lou I’m now 35 and live in Buckinghamshire with my husband, beautiful son and a dog.
We got married in July 2002 and finally after trying for a baby since we were married, in November 2003, I found I was pregnant, but sadly after 6 weeks I started having severe back pain and cramping and the baby miscarried. Although this was distressing I thought ok let’s put that behind us and start again - many people miscarry - it just wasn’t meant to be. In January 2004 I found I was pregnant again and once again we were delighted. At about 6 weeks I noticed some strange bleeding, brownish and just odd. At the time we lived in South London and St Georges Hospital in Tooting had a drop in EPU Centre. At the time my husband was away in Scotland and instead of worrying him I just headed down to the drop in centre and was going to phone him if there was anything to report. I never forget sitting in that vast waiting room with loads of other nervous mums of all ages. Gradually one by one they would come out of the scanning room clutching the ultra sound photo and laughing with relief. My turn was called and I felt embarrassed that they were going to scan me with this peculiar invasive instrument and that I would bleed all over it. I also remember thinking that I was wasting their time and just being paranoid. However I was told that I had an ectopic pregnancy in my right tube and I needed to be treated. Ectopic pregnancy! well I had heard of it but it was just so out of the question and I thought that they must be joking.
I was told that I would have Methotraxate and that this would be the best solution as it would not involve surgery. I was also told that I would not be allowed to try and conceive for 6 months as my folic acid would have been destroyed. I rang a friend of mine and she came immediately. My poor husband still stuck in Scotland and in complete shock. That injection was awful and I promised myself that I would never want to have that again. For me the awful feeling of being injected and killing my baby was just too much. I know that the baby could not survive but it was just too much like a lethal injection.
I was asked to come back in 2 days time and I was one of the unlucky ones where the methotraxate did not work so I had to be taken in for emergency surgery. Luckily for us they saved my tube. When I came round from the anesthetic I was feeling very emotional and I asked the nurse as to why it happened and she told us rather curtly that it was because I had Chlamydia. Well that certainly smacked the wind out of my sail. I thought that she could have been a bit more subtle about it. Anyway after some test results I was told that it was just bad luck and that I had not had Chlamydia.
August 2004 we were delighted once again to be pregnant and the baby was seen in the right place – what a stroke of luck. At 6 weeks we saw the heart beat and I though that I was going to burst with joy. Sadly at my 10 week scan the baby had died two weeks previously and it came as a complete shock to us. We were gutted. I had no bleeding and still felt sick. I thought that the doctors were lying and decided to wait a week to see if I would abort naturally. I didn’t and so had a D&C. I would say that the missed miscarriage was emotionally the hardest to deal with.
In January 2005 I was pregnant once again. – cant say we were weren’t trying! I had an early scan and was told that I would probably miscarry as it didn’t look good in the uterus. SLAP! Again. I went back for another scan and did ask to check my right hand side as I had had some pain. I was told definitely that it was a MC, but they took some blood to pacify me. I had a tennis match later on that day and when I came home my husband said that I looked awful. I said that if I didn’t know better that I thought that I was having another ectopic. Low and behold 8am the following morning I was phoned by the hospital saying that they needed another scan as the HCG had gone up. And there it was another ectopic in the right hand tube. I was told before surgery that they would remove the tube. I was gutted. 4 failed attempts and only one tube. This time the air had not been drained out of me after the op and it was so uncomfortable – if you speak nicely to the surgeon they can try and remove the air before you wake up.
Two weeks after my last ectopic we went out for dinner and ended up very drunk in deed – and that night my darling son was conceived and nine months later a beautiful healthy baby popped (well not quite popped – after much hard work and a haematoma later) arrived. We could not believe that we had finally done it. All through my pregnancy I was totally paranoid and could not really enjoy being pregnant but what a result.
Just before my sons 1st birthday I was pregnant again in October 2006 and once again it was in the right place and the heart beat had been detected, unfortunately we lost it again at 11 weeks another missed mc. From being elated to flattened in a couple of weeks. My DH has often asked if I was sure I wanted to continue trying after all the let downs, and he was concerned as to how much emotionally and physically my body could take – I think on average I have at least one anesthetic a year due to pregnancy problems!
We under went tests and they all came back negative and I was told that we had just had jolly bad luck. Something had to be wrong but I believe that the medical science is still very much in the dark regarding pregnancy. Or somebody up there really hates us.
Pregnancy number 7 March 2007! This was it, our year number two on the way. I was scanned and was told it was in the right place ye ha! I didn’t feel right though – I thought something was wrong so had more blood tests and more scans. I was told that I was mc. Absolutely gutted and so angry, but I was baffling the doctors. At the third scan and after much digging around it was confirmed that the pregnancy wasn’t in the uterus but unfortunately in the stump of my removed tube – What!!! Strangely enough for us this was the best outcome as at least it wasn’t in the good tube and at least it wasn’t another mc which nothing could be done about. I came out of hospital yesterday and am recovering although told that I would have to take it easy as it was so close to a main artery.
This website has helped me through so many questions, rants and raves and I would like to say to everyone thank you. I have often found it hard when friends have got pregnant a few weeks after I was told I was loosing one and have had a lot of bitterness, but I honestly do believe that I will be lucky enough to successfully carry another baby to full term and until then I will not give up – no matter what. Also I have chosen not to remember when the babies who didn’t make it would have been born (although sometimes harder than not) this is personal and is my way of moving on – however I also think that if I hadn’t lost 4 before my son was born then we would have ended up with a different child and I would not change my son one bit. So in a bazaar way I am pleased that I ended up loosing 4 before my son and that he is not a different baby – if that makes sense!
Thank you for reading my long story and wishing everyone here lots of luck. Every child is so precious and is a true miracle which often gets taken for granted.