When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked and scared so I called my best friend who has been there for me for years and I have been there for her. We have been close friends for nearly 7yrs.
She was supportive of the pregnancy especially as she is pregnant too, however I got scared and was thinking of termination as my boyfriend and I had only been together 7 months at the time, its 8 months this Saturday. To me it wasnt long enough for us to change our entire relationship with a baby plus I am only 23 and only just started having a social life so i didnt feel ready to let that go. I opened up to my friend about these feelings and she turned away from me. Kept trying to convince me to keep the baby, made me feel guilty. Even said I was taking away her babies friend. Now I wasnt set on termination but simply the thought had crossed my mind.
Then I found out my pregnancy was ectopic and that I was being taken for emergency surgery to remove the pregnancy and I confided in her and whilst she was sympathetic she also said maybe it is a sign that god does not think you should have a baby (shes heavily religious). She didn’t even come see me in the hospital nor the time I was home from work recovering (still have a week left and although I’ve asked shes said she is busy).
She has been distant with me ever since and i feel terrible but i am also really struggling because deep down i know that whislt termination crossed my mind, i wouldnt have been able to go ahead and would have kept my baby.
It just seems evident to me she is judging me and i dont know how to live with this.
I am nearly physically recovered but now my emotions are coming out because i can no longer keep my mind distracted by getting myself physically recovered.
I just want my best friend back. I just want the hurt to stop.
Dear Lauren,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss and also how your friend is behaving.
You have every right to question and think through all of your choices and you thought you were doing so in a safe environment.
I don’t mean to sound rude but your friend seems incredibly selfish at the moment and appears to have put her thoughts and wishes about your pregnancy before your own.
Sadly there is nothing you could have done differently to prevent the ectopic pregnancy, but (and i mean this from the bottom of my heart) it was not your fault and I do not think it is the right time or space for people to use religion negatively.
I hope your friend reflects and is soon there to support you how you deserve to be supported. In the mean time do you have other friends to lean on and we will be here to support you whenever you need too.
Sending much love and gentle hugs,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
I do not have other friends unfortunately. I had two close friends, one left a while ago and that then left this friend who I believed was a safe space. She frequently uses religion to excuse her own decisions and is living with her partner, having sex out of wedlock and having a baby out of wedlock. I am angry that she is okay with breaking the rules of her own religion for her own personal gain but cannot put them aside to support me. She wonders why so many of her other friends have left her!
I am hurt that now I have only my boyfriend and my family, no real friends. I feel alone and I hate this.
I agree she is being selfish.
Dear Lauren,
Whilst you are struggling to come to terms with your own emotions and she appears to be less than supportive at the present time, it may be worth taking a step back from this friendship for a short while. It may be hard, but if its not causing as much stress as being in contact with her, you have your answer. Sadly we cannot control the reactions or emotions of others. We can however control how we let it affect us.
Confide in your partner and family and we will of course be here with you. As well as these boards, we also have telephone call back and email support if you prefer (details below). We will simply be here for you however you need, for as long as you need.
Best wishes,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.
Further information is available on our website.
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team