To my darling and loved child,
Please don’t ever think that i have forgotten about you, i certainly haven’t.
Everytime i munch on your brother’s thigh, i think about the chubby little legs you would have had, and how i am missing out on nibbling on them.
Everytime i see your brother’s eyes, i dream about what yours would have looked like. I know they would have been big, and blue and i would have drowned in them.
Everytime i see his smile, hear his laugh, my heavy heart sinks even more…we should have been expecting more. More tears, laughs, cries, bickering…
It pains me that you are missing out on all the love i have to give. You will never feel my loving fingers play with your hair, having them massage your tiny feet. My cuddles, how i long to be able to cuddle you, smell you, love you. I wish you could have felt dad’s love. He is so good with your brother, he would have loved you so much…i know he hurts as well, and there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t think we have been robbed.
When i finally meet you in heaven one day, i know that i will recognise you when i see you. I am going to shower you with kisses, i won’t be able to stop. I will also sneak some chocolate in with me, to make up for the little treasures you have missed out on.
Please wait for this day, it will happen - i promise.
Also, i need you to do me a favour. Look out for your brother. He is going to need your help, i can tell he is going to be a cheeky little mite. Keep a special spell over him, to make sure he will always be safe, and always he happy. He would have loved you so much. I have placed a poem in his baby book, to always remember you. He will know of the brother/sister that he was supposed to have loved. When i see him at the park, he gets so excited when he sees other kids, he loves children. He would have loved having a little bro or sis so close to him to play with. Breaks my heart that our plan fell through.
Know that i do not blame you for what happened. It was a cruel tragedy, and it hurts me so much, that it had to happen to us, to you.
If we are blessed enough to have another child, please don’t think that it will ever replace you…you will always have your own place and be a special memory to us. Your Aunty bought a beautiful orchid in memory of you, and i have planted it. Even in this retched heat, it is battling on. I will, with all my heart do everything possible, to keep it blossoming. It is there for you, my love.
Tears are rolling down my face as i think about how you should be inside me, kicking, playing and bonding. How i wish that time could be undone,so we could try again, or have maybe waited another month to concieve you. I would do anything to have been able to spend one day with you, see you, smell you and love you.
So my darling, please know, that you are forever in our hearts. Every night i pray for you.
With all the love i have to give,
Bless you,
Love Mama
xxxxx