On the 15th March I went to A&E with bleeding. I calculated my dates which made me 6 weeks pregnant.
Having had a previous pregnancy with a subchrionic haemotoma i thought maybe the same thing was happening again.
I had no idea I was having an ectopic pregnancy.
The bleeding was severe along with the pain. I was admitted to EPU where I waited for a scan.
I was told after the scan it was an ectopic pregnancy and it had ruptured. The only procedure they could do was to remove my left tube via laparoscopy.
They prepped me for theatre and was rushed straight down. (My first operation) I was petrified.
I woke up in so much pain, but nothing compared to the pain I feel emotionally. I feel completely alone.
Friends and family have no idea what this is like on me and just expect me to bounce back because they rely on me for so much.
I feel like shutting myself away but I have 2 other children I need to support. I am doing my best but in so my pain physically and emotionally.
My partner isn’t understanding and just thinks practically.
I feel sick all the time but I get told I have to eat. I’m constantly tired but can’t sleep because I can’t stop feeling guilty about what happened.
Everything is getting on top of me, there is so much to do but I physically can’t do any of it. I feel useless and completely isolated.
I know there’s no magic cure to make this situation any better and it takes time. I’m just struggling to deal with it. 4 days ago I was looking forward to having a new baby… and now I feel like I’m left half the women I used to be with no motivation.
My children are my world and keep me going but they are also a constant reminder of what I’ve lost.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
Whilst well-meaning, I too found that friends and family didn’t truly understand how I was feeling a d expected me to ‘get over’ it quickly. There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.