ivf in Jan after 2 EPs. Sad for what could have been

Preparing For Your Next Pregnancy
1

Hi there.

I’m after a bit of support please.

At the beginning of the year my husband and I decided we were going to start trying for a family. We fell pretty quickly but it wasn’t to be. I had an EP at around 6-7 weeks and a tube removed. When we started trying again, the same thing happened and had my other tube removed. We are now waiting to start IVF treatment in the new year.

After my EPs I saw a counsellor, which I found really helpful.

Recently I feel like my thoughts have opened a can of worms, and it’s left me feeling sad and less motivated.

One thought I’d had when I was pregnant the first time was thinking that family would travel to see us this Christmas because we’d have a very young baby. I had thoughts about our first Christmas as our own family.

I feel so sad that it wasn’t to be, and I’m really not looking forward to travel to see our families. I’m not in the mood to be sociable, and i really don’t want to get upset in front of others- not that they don’t mean well, but I don’t want the extra attention if I am upset and I don’t want to be in an awkward atmosphere.

I know I should and need to stay positive, and generally I’m managing this ok. But how do I get through my sadness now? And how do I manage well-meaning family?

2

Hi Hazy2017,

My heart breaks for all you’ve had to endure this year and for the ectopic pregnancies and losses that you’ve suffered. Ectopic pregnancies are both physical and emotional traumas and you have been through a lot. It is natural to have a range of emotions.

The most important thing is to take care and look after yourself. The healing from ectopics are different for each woman and there is no set timeframe. There are days which will be better, some which are harder. Over time things do feel more normal, but it is always a part of us.

The holidays, while a very looked-forward to time, can also add an extra layer of expectation and emotion. Families are usually very well-meaning with their concern of all we’ve been through, but it can be difficult when we are still grieving and processing our losses. It can be difficult for them to know how to support us. I had many similar expectations as you and found it very difficult to express these to family members at first.

You might find that using a journal is a way to get your thoughts on paper and as a way to help others to understand where you are at. Of course, you’re thoughts will ebb and flow overtime, and it can be useful as a way to process and move through these losses. As well, please know you are always welcome to these Boards to share your story, hear from others, or just to vent. We are here for as long as you need.

Also if things seem to be a bit too much, our helpline will be operating through most of the Christmas period and you can arrange a call-back through the number 020 7733 2653.

Over this holiday season, please be kind to yourself and take all the time you need for your healing.

With kind regards,

Michele

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at http://www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

3

Hi how are you getting on?

I’ve had 2ep and started ivf in the summer last year. Unfortunately first attempt did not stick and we are putting our one frozie back in this week. I’m feeling very apprehensive.

I hope Christmas was ok. My first ep was over Christmas when my family were staying…not good and alway brings back hard memories.