Struggling to process

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Hello,

I have a 2.5 year old son born through IVF and since him we have had a failed FET and a new round that only gave us one embryo. That one was ectopic. It was a complicated round of IVF, expensive and tiring. I’m fed up of being poked and prodded and everyone around me seems to be pregnant. My husband doesn’t really want to talk about it. It’s been 2 months and it just gets harder. We are looking at IVF again but I’m still mourning and also mourning a lovely age gap between what would have been our 2. I’m angry and snappy and can’t watch anything other than comedy on telly because I worry I’ll get triggered in some way. I don’t want to have sex. I don’t know what I’m looking for really. I just want my baby back and in the right place :sweat:.

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Emily,

I’m sorry to hear about your experience, ectopic pregnancy, and loss. You have been through a lot with the IVF process and now, this ectopic. Please know that there is no set timeframe for emotional recovery. There are no “musts” or “shoulds” or deadlines. Grieve as you wish and cry, vent, and release your emotions as you need.

Men also experience grief after an ectopic pregnancy. In many cases, it looks different from how women grieve. It’s important to keep the lines of communication open. You might find that journalling helps you to put some of your emotions and thoughts on paper. For me, journalling helped me to organize my thoughts, questions, and emotions so that I could share them with my partner and family.

Taking time before trying to conceive again enables grief to surface and be worked through. The emotional recovery that is often needed can be significant, and many underestimate this aspect. We grieve our loss, but also the loss of our visions of what “might have been”. We can not predict what the future might bring, and it’s important to look after yourself now. Please allow yourself all the time and space you need to heal and know that you have a supportive environment here for as long as you need. We are here for you any time.

With good wishes,

Michele

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

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Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Thank you xx