I sadly spent Xmas day/night in hospital myself thinking I’d had a miscarriage. A few days and 2 scans later and they found an ectopic in my right tube. I’ve had 1 dose of methotrexate and I’m having my HCG monitored for the next week or so to see if it works.
I cried and mourned my miscarriage. Then to find out it was ectopic feels like another blow. I’m heartbroken, when people tell me it just wasn’t meant to be this time, I’m filled with such anger. Why wasn’t it? Why me? Why was I that 1 in 100.
All I can do is think about how excited I was. How is planned on telling my friends and family. Looking forward to meeting him or her. And now it’s all gone.
Hi, probably won’t help, but I’m sat here reading your post with every word ringing true, I’m feeling just as you are. Had an emergency scan 20th December and straight into surgery as tube had ruptured. I have found that telling my friends and family the worst thing they can say is “oh it wasn’t meant to be” or “don’t worry, you’ll have another one” - because I wanted that one - has helped me and helped them to understand.
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Although well-meaning, I also found comments from friends and family unhelpful and often upsetting. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
Please be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
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