So the hospital where I had my ectopic pregnancy removed offered the chance to have the remains for family burial. I picked them up yesterday, and after 24 hours trying not to think about the box, I got my screw driver and opened it.
I didn’t know what to expect. I was about 6 weeks when they operated, and had seen the images on line of what a developing foetus looks like at that age.
I have to say, I was a little surprised how big it was. But I looked and looked and felt a huge amount of love for that little fat pale butterfly looking baby of mine wrapped in tissue and laid in a beautiful box provided by Sands.
Has anyone else done this or have I completely lost it?
I’m so happy for you that you got the box and looked in the box! I am still massively disappointed and so so angry that I was given this choice as a way of waking me up from surgery I grunted and that was the conversation. I yearn for my box and my butterfly babe. Ur not losing it you’re very brace and lucky to have that memory and love. Thinking of u xxx
Dubnat:
So the hospital where I had my ectopic pregnancy removed offered the chance to have the remains for family burial. I picked them up yesterday, and after 24 hours trying not to think about the box, I got my screw driver and opened it.
I didn’t know what to expect. I was about 6 weeks when they operated, and had seen the images on line of what a developing foetus looks like at that age.
I have to say, I was a little surprised how big it was. But I looked and looked and felt a huge amount of love for that little fat pale butterfly looking baby of mine wrapped in tissue and laid in a beautiful box provided by Sands.
Has anyone else done this or have I completely lost it?
Thank you Princess Bebe6. It was a very hard thing to do - and in the long run I’m not sure if it was the right decision.
Its strange, women I’ve spoken to would all have opened the box too, whereas the men, including my other half, couldn’t bring themselves to. Given the choice, they wouldn’t want to see…
Dear Dubnat,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
I think this is one of those situations where there is no right or wrong.
Everybody is different, grieves differently and needs different things at different times.
If you needed to see your baby, then that was right for you however some women would not be able to look and that is perfectly fine too.
Remember to give yourself time and space to grieve,
Sending much love,
Karen x
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I am expecting to get my baby back next week. I am also considering opening the box. I can’t imagine burying my baby without ever seeing it. How are you feeling about seeing yours now? I’m so glad I saw this. I thought I was mad for wanting to look. Glad I am not the only one xx
You aren’t mad at all, everyone grieves differently. How do you feel about it now?
I wasn’t offered this option at all, I was told that the baby would be sent off for testing and they wrote to me to tell me that there was no sign of abnormality.
I was with a customer yesterday that said he worked for a transport company that picked up medical waste from the hopsital I was treated at. He said ‘they collect and incinerate everything including the dead foetuses’ and it took all my strength not to break down right there thinking of my baby being incinerated. I wish I had been given the option of a lovely burial in my back garden.
Sending you love xxx
I ended up opening the box several times before burying it. We had both felt he was a boy so we named him. I needed to be able to say I held my baby. We buried him last Sunday, on mothers day. It was the only thing I could do for him on that day. The hardest thing I’ve ever watched was my partner digging and digging til he felt the hole was deep enough.
I’m still glad I held him. I’m glad I took photos to remember. I’m glad I kept that moment for just me. But, I’m still haunted that I think the surgeon removed my tube when there was no need. I guess I’ll never get an answer to that question.
I wish you all peace - bulldogmad, if the hospital didn’t offer you this then you had no choice.
Jennamarshall88 I hope you are OK - it’s really not an easy thing to do. Make sure you give yourself time before, during and after. And if you feel you can’t, then don’t.
Xx
Bless you. This whole experience of an ectopic pregnancy is such an emotional roller coaster. I have two other children, this ectopic was my third pregnancy so I never thought something would go wrong.
I still have moments where I feel it has all been a terrible nightmare.
I’m a baby photographer too so going back to work has been incredibly hard 
Did baby automatically come back in the box from Sands or was that something you needed to arrange? I have not been given real information from the hospital. I just got told I would get a phonecall when baby was back from histology and ready to collect xx
In the end the histology only looked at my tube and didn’t look at the baby at all. I got a call from the mortuary and he asked if I wanted the box from sands or if I had my own. I hadn’t even thought that far tbh so I said yes to the sands box. I don’t know how I thought I’d get him back… I guess you don’t really.
I hope you’re coping OK… it is a major rollercoaster. I keep thinking I’m OK and then I remember something or I see a baby outfit, and I have to pull myself together. I’m craving being pregnant again but still no period after operation and no signs I ovulated. Besides, I got the medical management first so have to wait til June to try again… everything seems so long!
I hope it’s the same with my baby. So worried I will open the box and it will be cut up.
I too haven’t had my period yet. Still haven’t heard from the hospital either.
I’m the same, I feel like I’m ok and getting on with things then something sets me off again. I am a lot more in control now than I was a week ago though.
Hope you’re ok. Before you know it you will be trying again Xx