I have to tell someone

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Sorry for this post, I’m a few days into my post ectopic recovery and it will ramble but i think i need to try and put my experience into words to help my head.

I work in a hospital which probably saved my life. I was 6 weeks pregnant after trying to conceive for most of the year when I started getting strong period pains. They were bad but not unbearable and I had no bleeding so I called the midwife for advice who suggested I get checked out by gynae as a precaution as they have a centre where I work. Fortunately at this point i called my husband to join me as i work a long way from home. As im staff they allowed me to bypass a&e and wait as an add on patient in the early assessment unit. When I had the scan she told me there was a heartbeat but it was in the wrong place. It wasn’t totally unexpected as I knew something wasn’t right. Id had fears since the start of my pregnancy as I had a normal heavy period after conceiving and had read somewhere online that that can be a sign of an ectopic but my gp said it must have been implantation bleeding. I quickly saw several doctors who told me that as there was a heartbeat my only option was surgery and I would loose the tube and maybe my ovary too. They managed to get me booked in on the same days emergency list with a surgeon I already knew which helped me a lot. I’m terrified of needles and surgery so I begged for gas to put me to sleep and they reluctantly agreed. If they hadnt i dont think i would be able to cope at all. Within 2 hours of presenting at the desk i was in theatre and afterwards they told me I had already ruptured and was bleeding internally. If i had waited any longer then I could have easily bled to death.

I’m still in a bit of shock now. Only my husband and our work managers know as it feels too raw to deal with anyone else’s reaction. I dont want to be someone elses ‘well i had a friend who…’ story either. I feel ok 90% of the time but then start to panic or cry the rest.

I know the’re was no other choice to make but I can’t help wishing I had asked to see the scan at the time so I could have seen my baby. Im hoping that its on the system so when I go back to work I can see. The knowledge that my baby was alive when they cut it out of me breaks my heart too. The next morning was torture as every few hours I could hear other mums in labour on the next ward. Each cry tore me up about what I had lost and wouldn’t have.

My only solace is that they said my other tube and uterus looked perfectly healthy and we can start trying again whenever I’m ready. I guess I’m one of the rare ones who doesn’t have scar tissue or any of the other risk factors for an ectopic, it just happened. Hopefully it won’t again if we manage to get pregnant.

I’m worried now about going back to work. That’s where it happened, and I know I will have everyone asking me why I disappeared one lunchtime and never came back. I had bad anaemia before I was pregnant so I’ve told everyone I just fainted and docs say i need rest. Hopefully everyone will be too busy with christmas to notice too much.

We named our baby Autumn.

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Hi dear,

My story is very similar except that I did not rupture but had surgery to remove the tube just the same…I have no living children…they did not see anything as to why this ectopic has happened just a matter of ‘bad luck’ they said…was this your first pregnancy? They removed my left tube…Most of the time I cry my heart out…I’m so scared of the future…can’t face people most of the time…I hope that I will be my normal self again xxxx

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Dear sami_claire,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss of Autumn.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment reduction in fertility concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

With regards to returning to work. In general, after about six weeks, an employee should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.

A few options may be available depending on the role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?

Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body’s sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.

As a gentle reminder regarding conceiving again, we and many medical professionals advise waiting for two menstrual cycles. It is important to allow time for your body to recover and emotions to surface and be worked through. This is so that you have some comfort that your body is returning to its natural rhythm and you have a last menstrual period date from which to date a new pregnancy - key information in checking you are not suffering from an ectopic pregnancy in the future. The first bleed soon after surgery for ectopic pregnancy is not classed as a period as it is the body’s response to falling hormone levels.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk

Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.

Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.

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I’m so sorry to hear this. I had surgery 2 weeks ago in the hospital where I worked & was scanned by colleagues in my department too. I know people in my department have looked at my medical records (not the first time this has happened unfortunately). I had to go to occ health today & was so anxious about seeing anyone I worked with. Just kept my head down & didn’t make eye contact. I don’t have to go back for another 4 weeks thankfully & I hope by then people will have moved on & not pry too much. I’m waiting for a Talking Therapies appointment but I waited 6 months in the past so I’m just getting on with things myself as much as I can x

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I’m so sorry for your loss :frowning: In the last year Iv had a missed miscarriage at 13weeks my baby’s heart beat had stopped and I had to have medical management to be able to have my baby :frowning: it was a very stressful time. In August this year I found out I was pregnant again after some cramping, light bleeding lots of blood tests and rising hcg they finally scanned me and found I had an eptopic pregnancy in my left tube. Iv kept my tube but had to have two methatrixate injections. My body still isn’t back to normal :frowning: sending over my thoughts to you xxx