Hi all, on 20th December I was rushed into surgery as my tube had ruptured as a result of ectopic pregnancy, at around 9 weeks. This was my first pregnancy and me and my partner were over the moon when we found out as it was planned and happened so quickly. I found the whole thing really traumatising, and now 1.5 weeks later I am dreading going back to work. I haven’t felt as though I’m mourning the loss of a baby but just feeling very sad most of the time, frustrated and angry at the unfairness of everything and life in general I suppose. I’m not sure how I’m going to be ‘normal’ at work and be myself, I’m in sales so it’s a really busy loud environment and I’m expected to be on the phone or out meeting my clients for most of the day, all I think about is the fact I should be pregnant now, growing my baby, and have constant flashbacks of the day it all happened, from the sonographer delivering the news to laying on the bed waiting to go into surgery. Any tips on coping with those first few days/weeks back? I’m due back 8th Jan and don’t really want to delay any further as I know it’ll be Even harder then, but at the moment even walking through the door just seems impossible…
Dear Anna7651,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
Surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through. In general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.
A few options may be available depending on the role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?
Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body’s sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.
In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery.
Please be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally,
Sending much love,
Karen x
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Dear Anna,
I am so deeply sorry to hear of your loss.
I experienced by ectopic 5 weeks ago and my whole world crumbled. It was my first pregnancy and first time ever to be admitted to a hospital…
There is so much to consider without the added stress of returning to work. I’m a primary school teacher and went back after 3 weeks. Like you, I am expected to be full of energy and positivity in my job… I felt sort-of ready until my boss explicitly made life very difficult for me, posting my accumulated sick leave toy home address while I was out, demanding explanations when I returned and piling the work on. All because I chose to keep my ectopic pregnancy private from her and others in my job. I have my reasons.
Just be sure that you are totally ready and strong (emotionally, physically and mentally) before you consider going back.
This is a major life event and you need to take your time in your recovery, and deciding when is the right time to return to work…
I really found reading posts here so helpful and this is my first time to post anything. Thank you to all the strong ladies who have experienced ectopic pregnancies and are sharing their stories in support of each other. It certainly brings be comfort when I need it. Wishing you all the best in your recovery.
Take care xx
Sending lots of love
I’m going though the same thoughts
I had surgery Xmas eve , went for a scan for them to tell me I’m internally bleeding I’ve got to go into surgery straight away wise I could die
I’m still getting my head around that all this happened so so quick and I always have thoughts of the scanner telling me everything then waking up in the room feeling empty ,x
Here if you want to chat as I feel exactly the same
Xxx
Hey, thanks for all the responses, I’ve been finding the last couple of days hard - such a lonely place when everyone else understandably moves on and you’re left in a weird place where you feel pain no one else does. Coming on here has helped me massively - I wouldn’t wish this situation on my worst enemy, but finding people that can relate to the feelings has an odd way of soothing, hoping tomorrow might be a better day
Hi Anna
Like I commented above
I’m in this same situation
I’m a bubble loud happy lady and this has knocked me to 0
I went out for the first time in 6 days today pretending I’m ok with a smile on my face … as soon as I walked through the door all I felt was guilt and upset all over again
I’m due back next Tuesday I’m on day 8 after emergency surgery , trying to take in that I was pregnant , then to be told I could die to then having everything taken away from me
I hope you have a bettee day tomorrow
Here if u want a chat
Jodie x
I had surgery to remove my ectopic pregnancy 6 days ago at around 6 weeks gestation. it was my first pregnancy and have struggled emotionally with the loss where I can only describe a feeling of desperate sadness. It is early days and I am trying to be kind and do the ‘right thing’ like talk to people but I am also extremely anxious to go out and see people, and also at the prospect of returning to work. It is a lonely place to be despite being surrounded by people with texts offering their support. I am finding some comfort in these forums that how I am feeling is normal, thank you x
I’m sorry we are all going through this :(. It’s so hard being around others and watching their lives go on normally when ours have been shaken up so badly. I too get anxious at the thought of seeing friends because I don’t want to pretend everything is all fine when it isn’t, nor do I want to tell them about it because they just don’t understand. I get upset when others try to find something positive to say when I really just want them to listen to me vent and wallow in my sorrows. Then I feel guilty for being so honest about my thoughts and feelings and end up feeling worse.