Support needed...

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1

Hi ladies,

I’m really hoping some one will see this and give me some much needed support… I am 1 week post op, after having my right tube removed, ruptured due to ectopic pregnancy, they didnt tell me how many weeks or give me any options, I got rushed through pretty quickly as they were convinced it was ruptured due to the extreme level of pain I was in and my results from the transvaginal scan, I remember being told they would do the keyhole surgery to check and possibly remove the fallopian tube if their suspicsions were correct… I had a negative pregnancy test at hospital 3 weeks before when I intially went in with suspected ovarian cysts, experiencing extreme abdominal pains and bleeding for 3 weeks (I was 3 months into taking the mini pill so was absolutely convinced the bleeding was my body getting used to this… Im 27 and ready for children but my partner is a little younger and not ready yet which I totally respect, hence going through a year long nightmare of which contraception works for me)… so to find out i was pregnant was a huge shock, id been so good taking my mini pill bang on time every day… i also had no idea that this nasty little pill largely increased your chances of ectopic pregnancy?! I was devostated. Its even harder as I am so ready but my partner is not, he was so supportive regardless but i am really stuffling to come to terms with the loss, constantly hating on my body for letting down my first baby. It was also made harder by the horrendous news of one of my closest friends from back in my school days, at the young age of 27, completely unexpectedly, passing away on the same day, when i then found out was pregnant that day they told me straight away they thought it was ectopic but advised i needed to come back at 8am the next morning to EPU (it was 1am at this point, Id spent 5 gruelling hours in a&e) even with being told it was most likely going to be bad news i still couldnt help but feel a connection between my little baby and my beautiful friends passing, so to find out that my body had let me down so badly hurts me so much more… I spent the whole journey home (freaking out in shock mostly) but going over in my head that if he was a boy I could name him after my friend, like a little bit of him was there, etc… it was impossible not to think it although i kept telling myself not to over and over. Anyway Im sore, im due back in work in 1 week… my scars are to be honest minimal, although i hate them, and feel like ill never wear a crop top again? The nurse practioner at my local GP has assured me they are extremely neat and will be unnoticable in a year (scars and pain didnt even cross my mind as i was rushed into theatre but now im finding this really difficult)… Im so sorry for everyones losses but reading this thread made me feel normal so I hope someone can reply and give me some much needed positivity

Thank you ladies, baby dust to all those TTC… itll be my day one day!

Sam x

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Dear Sam,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and also of the loss of your friend. It must be a terribly difficult time and my heart truly goes out to you.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame, please be kind to yourself.

You mention you are going back to work next week, as a gentle reminder it is very early days since your surgery, please do take things easy. Going back to work, generally depends on how you were treated and what type of work you do. In general, after six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view, but many women need to take more time off to help them deal with the psychological (emotional) impact of the loss of their baby and the frightening experience they felt being diagnosed with and treated for an ectopic pregnancy.

In some cases, you could return to work within a few weeks if you had keyhole surgery and your job is not too strenuous, but you may feel tired and find it difficult to cope emotionally. Coming back part-time, if this is an option, may be a good idea.

The important thing is to be gentle with yourself. Although you may have made a good physical recovery, you may not be ready emotionally. You have had alot go deal with, with the loss of a close friend too and you should never feel embarrassed to approach your GP and ask for a ‘sick note’ if you need more time of work to emotionally recover. This is very common and doctors are supportive and very sympathetic to how you are feeling and are likely to write a note without any hesitation.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.

We are all here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

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