Finally posting, 6 weeks after

Who's Who
1

Hi All,

I have thought about posting, and reaching out for sometime now, but never really knew what to say or where to start but here goes…

I had a very traumatic experience of a ruptured ectopic pregnancy on the 24th April, two days before my daughters 9th birthday. I found out i was expecting baby number 2 the week before, I was extremely happy as it didn’t take us long to conceive.

So a bit of my background - before my daughter I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks in 2011, was hard to deal with but I managed to block it out and 6 months later i found out i was expecting my daughter, her pregnancy was great, straight forward, however I had quite bad post natal depression, a lot was circumstantial. I wasn’t in a good place and attempted to take my own life, as I felt i was fighting a losing battle with the in laws. I thankfully got all the help i needed. But this had always put me off having another baby, i was scared i would miscarry, i was scared i would end up with PND again (even thought i knew my triggers) In 2014 I decided I wanted to follow my passion and become a Nurse, so i did. This then made me realise that I was wrong to put off having another baby for those reasons, so after postponing our wedding twice we decided to try for baby 2, we knew when we would agree to stop so I wasn’t pregnant or too close to giving birth for our new wedding date June 2022. We both were excited about our new chapter, and I knew i was pregnant before I even pee’d on the stick to tell me. I was so excited and called my partner. We both were happy and we kept the news to ourselves because I knew all too well the devastation of telling people you lost your baby. I did however tell my work, I was a lone worker in the community doing vaccines - so I needs them to know if i was having an off day.

fast forward again, and I wake up with stomach cramps, i felt it was like constipation, was back and forth to the toilet, I told my partner to still go to work, i played down my pain, I thought i was panicking a bit that i was having a miscarriage so thought I was making the pain worse psychologically, then things started to get bad, I wasnt able to stand or sit up without feeling like i was going to faint, i was an awful colour, it was just me and my daughter. Being a nurse is scary at times, you can watch life leave people, watch them become rapidly unwell, I felt this, for once i felt what i seen so many times before, I had to call 999, all the while my daughter is panicking, shes screaming please dont die mummy, im trying to stay calm on the phone for her sake, but i knew i needed help asap. I got to the hospital and was dismissed from the triage nurse, who bascially told me that if i wasnt bleeding then early pregnancy wont be seeing me, while im sitting half conscious telling her I believed i was having an ectopic pregnancy - again i was dismissed. Was transferred to a trolley in absolute agony the same nurse said are you sure your only 7 weeks - trying to insinuate I was in labour. Fast forward 10 minutes and I pass out on a commode. the last thing i remember was pressing the buzzer to have help back onto the trolley, the next thing I am surrounded by 9 medical staff screaming my name while i drift in and out of consciousness. They do a quick ultrasound ( this was a junior doctor) her face told me everything i needed to know, I was bleeding internally, and it wasnt good, the blood pressure machine is pinging, my heart rate through the roof, I was being prepared for surgery, having my clothes and jewellery removed . I managed to call my sister and my partner to tell them everything was going to be ok. But i was lying I didnt know that, I was just being me, and caring for them before myself. I was wheeled to theatre and the team where amazing, I lost my right fallopian tube as it had ruptured beyond repair, I lost 3 litres of blood, and was told I was extremely lucky, and i got to the hospital in the nick of time. I knew how bad it was, the recovered for the two days in hospital where awful, being a nurse has its down sides, im stubborn, i wanted to do everything myself, but my blood pressure was still so low that wasnt possible and stubborn wee me passed out in the shower! Take note - take the help!!!

I was home in time for my daughter coming out of school, i got to see her open her birthday presents, i got to hug her. But I really wasnt ready to be home, physically or mentally really. its been difficult, very difficult, I got no support, I was given a discharge prescription, and a sick line for 3 weeks. I have had to do my own research to find this charity, to find any bit of information about what happened, the recovery process, the mental support.

I personally feel im suffering for PTSD, I cant close my eyes or be in the quiet without having that awful day replay in my head, bit that dont seem all that important but then it links into another memory and im right back there again. some nights i dont sleep. to start with i didnt want to be on my own, i took a panic attack standing in the line at the post office. I know I have got better since that day, but some days I just dont want to talk to anyone, i dont even want the TV on.

Im still processing everything day by day, im due back at work next week, and im really not sure if im mentally ready for that yet.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you got this far, I know i ramble on a bit, but I haven’t actually verbalised a lot of that to anyone other than my partner, and he has been amazing, but sadly cant understand my thoughts at times.

Take care, and be kind to yourself, we all cope with things differently, and thats ok.

xx

2

Thank you for posting this. So much of your story is the same as mine…I just wanted to say that I hope you are ok and that I understand what you have been through. I hope you feel better for writing it down.

Here’s to better and happier times ahead. Take care xx

3

Dear Clairm,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. From your own words I can imagine what a frightening experience this was and I am sorry sorry you have had to go through this.

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. It can take up to 3 months for the recovery process to start.

As you mention, after a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. With your past PND, this maybe a good avenue to explore.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

You mention that you are a nurse. If you are a member of the RCN, they have a very good counselling services and waiting times are often much sorter than NHS services.

https://www.rcn.org.uk

You mention returning to work, but surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through. In general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.

A few options may be available depending on the role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?

Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body’s sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.

In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.I

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

4

Thank you so much for your response Karen, I actually never gave my union a thought, I am with the RCN so I will look into that thank you.

I think I would be able to do a phased return when im ready, my work have been good and not pestered me and my senior manager has been very understanding. You make a lot of very good points, and i will look at the others you recommended,

I hope your doing ok Src, I do feel writing that was a massive step, and i think others having similar experiences helps and makes me feel less alone.

xx

5

Hello, Clairm11.

I also have one child, one miscarriage, and one ectopic pregnancy, so totally relate to the part where you keep secret when you get pregnant again, the awkwardness of postnatal relationships with in-laws and postnatal depression that hinders you and your partner’s wish to have another child when you two actually do want one.

It’s almost ten months now since your epitopic pregnancy. I hope you’re feeling better, even if only a little bit, and hope you get to celebrate your wedding.