Hi everyone
I had my ectopic in March this year, and it was quite unexpected after 6 years of not really trying (but not being that careful either).
I have a beautiful daughter who is 6 years old, and such a joy. I am very blessed to have her and feel very lucky to have such a wonderful child.
I have wanted another baby for such a long time now. To say I was devastated after wanting another for so long is an understatement. I’ve had a lot of health problems over the past couple of years, including a head injury and mental breakdown, and felt that this was a bright light among all the darkness that I’ve endured.
I’m starting to think I will never have another one, to be honest. My DH and I were never very careful during the past 6 years and weren’t actively TTC but weren’t expecting anything to happen, so when it did it was a bit of a surprise. My DH was never keen on another for financial reasons but was coming round to the idea when I did fall pregnant. Seeing other mums and pregnant women makes me feel so depressed, and I know it’s unavoidable but I just can’t seem to switch it off.
I know that I am probably still grieving and should be kinder on myself, but I feel if I start to cry properly then I might not stop.
I am just focusing on everything I do have at the moment but the emptiness and longing for another is eating me up inside. I can’t face endless more months of TTC and BFN tests, it just makes me feel so depressed.
Sorry for the mini moan, I am just needed to get it off my chest and have a rant. 
Hi NooNooHead,
I’m so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, and all that you have been through. Ectopic pregnancies are both physical and emotional traumas and you have been through a lot. It is natural to have a range of emotions. And having a moan, a rant, or anything you need to express are exactly the reasons these Boards exist. They are a safe space for you.
It’s very normal to feel a mix of emotions with other people’s news; being happy for others, but still grieving for your own loss. A new baby is a very stark reminder of what could have been. It’s incredibly important to look after yourself and take your time. Sadly, all bound by this devastating experience and no matter what our circumstances, we can lean on each other. I can say in my experience, it took a while for me to share what had happened - and who to share it with. I found that writing my changing feelings in a journal helped me to process them. When the time was right, I started sharing with my husband, then sister, then friends, and so on.
We are here for you any time. These boards are a safe environment to let off steam among people who have been there and understand. Please do continue to do so for as often as you wish.
With kind wishes,
Michele
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