My worst nightmare came true…
After months and months of us trying to conceive with no luck, we were sent to get testing done to make sure my husbands sperm count was good along with my egg count, ovaries, fallopian tubes and ovaries were okay. Everything checked out good so we didn’t think we would have anything to worry about.
We noticed I was late for my menstrual cycle and ended up taking two home pregnancy tests, both showed positive. We were overjoyed! On Wednesday 9/9/20 I asked my OBGYN for blood tests to confirm pregnancy based off of the 2 positive pregnancy tests we did at home. So I went to her office after work to get the blood tests done after work.
On Thursday 9/10/20 I was able to see the results online that confirmed we were pregnant, and I was overcome with joy and excitement. I was so happy after reading the results, I told a few of the nurses that were in my locker room and a few of my co-workers in the break room.
My husband knew about the two home pregnancy tests being positive and he knew we were waiting on the blood tests to confirm pregnancy, but I wanted to surprise him with a baby onesie that said “Hi Daddy” that I ordered the day before.
That same day while working in surgery myself (I’m an Operating Room Nurse), I was training a new nurse and felt a gush of fluid run down my leg. It felt like as if I had urinated on myself, but I had no pain…so I didn’t think anything of it and kept working. On my lunch break when I went to the restroom, I noticed what was running down my leg was blood, and there was so much blood I needed a maxi pad…I was so confused…I reached out to my OBGYN and she asked if I was in pain and I said no, because I honestly didn’t feel any pain. She scheduled me for a viability ultrasound for the next day, so I went back to work assuming everything was okay.
On Friday 9/11/20, me and my husband went in for the viability ultrasound…and were told my husband would have to wait outside of the building due to stupid COVID-19. So we facetimed while they were doing the viability ultrasound. We were told “were so sorry, but it looks like you are miscarrying”, “oh no wait, there’s a gestational sac”, “but we still don’t understand the bleeding, this is very abnormal. So we are sending you to the ER now to make sure you are safe.”
Anytime I stood up, or walked a little, I could feel gushes of blood coming down. There was so much blood I had to have my hospital gown changed a few times. I felt dizzy, weak and didn’t understand what was happening and didn’t know if I was still pregnant or not.
After being in the ER for hours and hours and having several tests done including blood tests and ultrasounds to repeated ultrasounds with an attending radiologist present during the vaginal ultrasound I was more confused than ever. From 9 am to about 6 pm we were told “We believe you are miscarrying”, “Oh no wait, you are pregnant” to “Maybe they can follow you as a high risk pregnancy to keep the baby” to “No, this will not be a viable pregnancy and you cannot keep it.” To “You are not having a miscarriage, you have an ectopic pregnancy that is causing all this bleeding and it is life threatening so we need to get you into surgery now.”
This emotional rollercoaster felt like torture. I had to demand that the ER nurse call the doctors to explain to me what the plan was because my personal belongings were being placed in a bag, my blood was being drawn and I had an IV placed and no one was telling me I was officially being admitted for surgery and what kind of surgery exactly.
I actually work in the same hospital in the surgery department so I knew the drill. Thankfully, I was able to reach out to my manager to request the best anesthesiologist and my friend was my nurse and my close friend was the surgical tech in the surgery. Next thing I know they are doing a Diagnostic Laparoscopic Ectopic Cornual Pregnancy removal with my right fallopian tube removal. I didn’t have time to process anything. I just asked that they please try to keep my uterus because I wanted to be able to have babies after.
After the surgery I was in the recovery unit and my husband met me there. I was then discharged around 2 am and we went to the pharmacy close by to make sure I had my pain medication.
I am home now and I understand it was life threatening, and I am thankful to be alive. But I don’t understand why it had to be that bad, that traumatic, that much blood and so much confusion. I am not in anyway minimizing miscarriages at all. But I keep having people say they had a miscarriage as well…But I didn’t have a miscarriage. I had an emergency surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy that was causing me to bleed heavily, and now I’m missing my right fallopian tube and have pain from the incisions due to the surgery. I’m also scared with trying to get pregnant again because after reading up on it, statistics show ectopic pregnancies tend to happen again in women who have had one before.
I know that I am supposed to rest and I know all the stages of grief, but I just don’t know what to do to move forward. I cannot understand why this happened and why it happened in such a horrible way. This was my worst nightmare that actually came true…I’m tired, angry, frustrated and upset all at the same time.
Has anyone else experienced this?