Don’t know how much more I can take

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I physically and mentally don’t know how much more I can take or how much more strength I need :frowning: I lost my left ovary and Fallopian tubes last year January to cancer ( started as a cysts that kept growing in size and had a C section to remove the cyst ) this is my 2nd C section , then a couple months later the remaining ovary started getting cyst then had another laparoscopic surgery to remove the cyst and make sure it was not cancer cells forming . That came back clear . Then just 4 months later in January this year I had a ruptured cyst that sent me straight to the hospital in agonizing pain.

I then feel pregnant after months of stressing if I would ever be able to fall pregnant or how long it would have taken given all the surgeries and trauma I’ve gone through . But in February I fell pregnant , not planned but such a huge blessing and I was excited and overwhelmed it was happening and all my fear about falling pregnant were at ease now and then I went for my scan to find out it was an ectopic pregnancy and I had to either take methotrexate to try dissolve the fetus or surgery . Surgery was high risk as I could loose my remaining ovary and tube so I chose the methotrexate even tho my BCG WAS 5000 , doctor thought it was worth a try and it works and we avoid surgery . 4 days later on the first dose my BCG went to 18000 so I had an emergency surgery which was another C section . I was heartbroken, sad , depressed , angry all the emotions I could have felt I felt hard . I had just lost something I fear for so long . My relationship has taken a knock and he isn’t very patient or understand of it all and I’m so angry that I can’t bare to be around him becos he doesn’t understand what I’m emotionally going through.

It’s been 9weeks since my surgery and I landed up again in hospital with sharp stabbing pain in my abdominal, no amount of morphine they have helped so I was admitted for 2 days in hospital to be monitored. At this stage we don’t know what’s going on and I’m emotionally drained and finished .

I then saw another doctor to do GNC scope so we can see what’s going on in the colon and stomach.

After a sonar they picked up I have another 5cm cysts on my right ovary and at this point we can not operate as I have just been thru too much and my body is so weak and emotionally I will just break down. We have run cancer markers for the ovarian cyst and did biopsy from the GNC .

The wait is hard it’s so emotional .

I have just gone through the loss of a baby I didn’t get to hold or see or touch to more health concerns.

I just had surgery and not even a month later a 5cm cysts , so at this point if it doesn’t disappear and continues to grow I’ll be on my 6th operation in the last 18months .

I really fear I won’t be a mommy or have a baby if this ovary continues to grow cysts .

I just feel like I can’t win and when I get up and fight and be strong something keeps knocking me down.

I don’t know how to feel or how to be strong anymore :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

It’s been a rough road since my ectopic and it just seems to be getting tougher . I want to heal and start trying but I’m afraid and terrified .

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Hi. I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You are so strong. You have come this far. Have faith. I can only imagine how tough this is for you. I will pray for you.

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Dear Auntjeje+16,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and of everything you are going through right now. My heart truly goes out to you.

The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future, on top of all your cancer treatment. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent and we will be here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Sorry to hear your story. Life is unfair isn’t it? Sending you love and hope you can stay strong through it all xx