Dear Jen,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment reduction in fertility concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. You are not alone.
Personally, I really struggled with the guilt and loss of my baby. I felt very isolated and it wasn’t until two years after my ectopic pregnancy that I reached out to the Trust and finally got the help I needed. Reading other ladies posts made me realise that my feelings were normal and that I wasn’t the only woman feeling that way.
It is normal to experience some pain after ectopic pregnancy as your body has been through a great ordeal. The pain could be due to adhesions or scar tissue which formed as part of your healing. It could also be due to heightened awareness because of your sad loss. You may also be feeling ovulation pain (many women including myself never felt ovulation pain before the ectopic pregnancy and experience these sensations after). I think it may be worth keeping a pain diary to record when you feel the pain (including when in your cycle), its intensity on a scale of 1-10 and if anything helps such as rest, a hot water bottle, paracetamol etc. I would suggest keeping these notes for about 4/6 weeks and then seeing your doctors with this information as it would help them determine how best to manage your symptoms.
It is still very early days in your recovery, but if you start to feel low, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn’t our fault.
I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.
Also thank you for your support to the charity at this difficult time for you.
Sending much love,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at http://www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
