Sense of grief and loss

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Hi all

I will be 4 weeks post surgery next week for my ectopic. The first 2 weeks I was in recovery mode and felt ok mentally, however from about week 3 I have felt this immense sense of deep loss and grief that I have never felt before Fine one minute then an emotional mess the next, little hope for the future and not wanting to be around lots of people. A friend has also just announced they are pregnant which has completely shattered me as we would have been due around the same time. My husband is dealing with this very differently to me and almost seems fine on the surface to continue life normally whereas I feel the complete opposite. I guess what I’m trying to ask is this normal to still feel low at 4 weeks post op and when did everyone feel their grief getting a little lighter? X

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Hey Pinkrose,

Firstly, so sorry for your loss :white_heart:

I just wanted to share that I’m 12 weeks post salpingectomy today following my EP and whilst I’m functioning day-to-day, my grief is still very heavy. I sobbed when my best friend announced her pregnancy to me last week, and my sister-in-laws friend was visiting her today with her 2 month old and I loitered at the shops until she was gone before I went over because I couldn’t face seeing her bubs.

I’m not sure if/when the grief ever gets lighter, but I suppose looking to the future and finding happiness elsewhere (I’ve been spoiling my dog) has helped me cope.

Sending lots of love x

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Dear pinkrose,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

For some women experiencing ectopic pregnancy can be very traumatic and it is normal to take up to three months to even begin to process traumatic events such as these. Be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally.

If your down days start to outweigh the good, please seek medical advice, but we will also be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love,

Karen x

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@sjr2024 thank you so much for your kind message and sharing your experience. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this too, sending you a big hug:heart: I’m glad I’m not alone with feeling that way about friends pregnancy, it felt like someone had winded me and I cried all evening. I knew announcements would come, but didnt realise how triggering and tough they would be xx

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Today makes it exactly 6 weeks since my surgery. My period came on this morning and the pain I felt in my heart was immense. A feeling of loss, regret, pain, sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration and defeat. I feel stuck in the past, holding on to the joy I felt the 4 weeks I knew I was pregnant. I feel like something so precious was cruelly snatched away and some days it feels like a bad dream. I still feel this way after 6 weeks. I hope I get pregnant soon and it takes away some of the pain I feel. Even though I was only pregnant for 7 weeks and 2 days, I keep telling my husband that I miss my child. This is one pain time has refused to heal

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Ooo I was just the same I had the injection and then ended up being rushed in with rupture right tube removed yesterday was the worst day I was so emotional I think I cried most of the day everything just hit me . I’m 4 weeks Friday after the operation . Today i started period which explains why I have been feel worse xxx