I am writing this 5 days after my surgery and finding out I had an ectopic pregnancy in my right fallopian tube, which ruptured and which was then removed a few hours later.They told me if I had left it a few more hours it would have been fatal. I I’m still in total shock and feel numb and alone. I feel like I’m suffering in silence for my loss and I just want to scream, this is too painful. I was 6 weeks +3 days pregnant. 6 days ago I was planning to have another baby and make my little girl a big sister. I feel empty and I want to grieve so bad but people have told me well it wasn’t really a baby was it? It was just some Cells. It was my baby and it is my body! I feel traumatised. I had to do this alone as my partner was in another country working. I need some support, I don’t know how to feel or where to turn. How do you ever recover from this? 
Dear Peppa,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, possible reduction in fertility, concerns about recovery and the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.I
You have been through a traumatic experience and it can take up to 3 months to even begin to process trauma like this. Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Following surgery you should take it very easy for about six weeks. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time so please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others. One day you may be okay and the next you may be in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body signals. Pain and feeling tired are your body signals to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy diet drinking lots of water and resting.
Although well-meaning, friends and family didn’t truly understand what I was going through and I too got comments like you. I think as soon as many of us get that positive pregnancy test, it is our baby. This was your baby and you have every right to grieve for the loss of your baby. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support. You are surrounded by friends here who have been through similar and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. I
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
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Sorry you’ve been through this awful experience, I completely empathise with you. I personally have found the need to tell people what’s happened because I felt I needed that acknowledgement of my pregnancy, otherwise it was almost like it hadn’t happened and all i had was this picture of a prwgnancy test and my own thoughts and plans. People’s well intended comments to try and make you feel better are hard to deal with, lots of ‘everything happens for a reason’ when in actual fact that statement is utter rubbish and alls you want people to say is this is horrendous I’m so sorry you’ve lost your baby. I’ve actually found is easier to call people out on thier comments, not in a nasty way, but just replys like ‘it was our baby’ but just to make them think about what they have said. My friend worked in EPU and she has been great at validating my feelings its fine to be upset. I hope you can get some support from a good friend x
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m day 2 post op. Doesn’t feel real, doesn’t feel anything apart from sadness and numb. Nobody understands do they! If I hear “it wasn’t meant to be” again…Well who knows what I’ll do.
Be kind to yourself, grieve how you want to.
I’m completely with you. I’m 3 days post op and ever since I got admitted to hospital it has been treated like nothing more than a medical procedure. I have been offered no emotional support whatsoever from the hospital. People do seem oblivious to the emotional attachment so many of us get the second we see that test. My pregnancy wasn’t planned either, but that didn’t mean I don’t feel a loss. I feel I have let that poor tiny baby down by not providing a safe home for them to grow into and grow life.
Georgina44 - I’m a day or two behind you. Had emergency surgery for a rupture on Saturday evening….in France where we were on holiday. The care was very slow and I’m probably lucky to be here but feel huge guilt about how in me being here, the baby‘a life was ended. I was between 6-7 weeks and the paperwork (in French) says there was a heartbeat, so the poor little thing was doing well otherwise. I know it wouldn’t have made it anyway but the idea it was pulled out with its heart beating in order to save me is just grim. And people telling you not to feel guilty is similar to when someone says “don’t look behind you” isn’t it. I hope you have some time to feel what you need to and good support around you. Sending hugs