Hi All,
I’m new to this site, only just found you and still feeling weird about even being here!
I’m 27 and happily married for almost 2 years now. Husband and I always wanted children but both came out of uni and my MA degree with a lot of student debt and wanted to be in a better financial situation before we started trying. So towards the end of last year I came off the pill and we began TTC. You hear stories of it happening straight away after the pill, or not for months, and we were just trying not to get wrapped up in dates, ovulation cycles etc and just enjoy trying, believing and hoping it would happen when it was supposed to. Although it is so difficult to no get wrapped up in dates and pregnancy websites-isn’t it?!
After coming off the pill I had a normal bleed then nothing for a couple of months. Kept doing home pregnancy tests which all said negative so we just kept trying, unsure where my cycle was anyway-it’s always fun to try and make a baby!! 
Then mid Feb I had what I presumed was a period; four days of bleeding. Thought “phew, glad that wasn’t a bad one” then a couple of days later had another-“weird? Never mind, probably my body just getting back to normal after the pill” :?
A day after this mini period stopped I started bleeding and haven’t stopped since (29th Feb until now). Was still telling myself “it’s just coming off the ill-its screwed my body up and this is ok”. After pain in my left side became increasingly worse and not subsiding with painkillers, and having to take a day or two off work to deal with it I finally went to my GP. She was wonderful and listened and actually made me feel like I wasn’t being ridiculous. Sent me straight for blood tests and rang me herself when the results came back the next day. High level of Hcg, can I get myself to A&E now? I had to leave work Friday pm during a meeting (got dagger looks from the other girls) and met my husband in the waiting room of A&E. They saw me for more tests and an internal scan and sent us home Friday night with the diagnosis: Pregnant in an unknown location. I feel so stupid now looking back, but we allowed ourselves to feel happy-we were pregnant which hadn’t crossed our minds at all because of the bleeding. However my blood test the next day brought me down to Earth-hormone levels had dropped and Dr said it is a failing pregnancy. Even writing this now I feel detached from it-surreal, like it’s happening to someone else.
So, it is now 22nd March, I have been bleeding non stop since 29th Feb - 23 days now not including the couple of mini bleeds in the weeks previous to this, I am being managed from home-going back to hospiatl every 48 hours for more blood tests. Except today they have told me to come back next Weds, and if anything changes in between-pain or bleeding worsens to go straight to A&E. I feel disgusting-I am pregnant except I’m not, my body is still trying to miscarry this cluster of cells (or is it a baby-I have n idea how far along I am/ would be), I am constantly bleeding and still in pain, but its not severe enough to do anything about. I feel like a fraud sitting at home and not being at work-I’m not in any more pain now than I was last week, why shouldn’t I be at work, and also reading other people’s stories I feel ridiculous-I have had it easy compared to some of you, but I still feel empty, lonely, confused, upset, like a failure and then stupid for thinking all of those things.
Obviously, if you have got this far you can see I m still struggling to deal with it all. I hope being here will help and I will update you with my progress. For now I wait and hope and cannot even let myself think of the future, but I seriously hope we can still have children. I am trying to take positives form this: at least we know we can get pregnant-until this happened my husband and I were just keeping everything crossed. Also, if they are managing me at home, it can’t be that serious-hopefully I won’t need a op, and will be able to keep my tubes and therefore hopefully my fertility.
Thank you for reading.
Sarah x x x