coming to terms with everything

natashaxox · 15 May 2023 20:39

hi everyone

I was treated for an ectopic pregnancy with one dose of methotrexate on the 13th April. It had taken 2 years to finally fall pregnant and it was the happiest day of my life. It was short lived as a few days after finding out I was pregnant I started to bleed.

I would have been 6 weeks pregnant at the time the ectopic was found, so wasn’t too far along however I feel like I am grieving something that wasn’t ever really there, although it was there it wasn’t really. I can’t explain it but I feel like I had a bond and a connection with my little sesame seed and my fiancé doesn’t really understand, does anyone else feel like that?

I was also expecting to have had my first period by now but still nothing, not sure if that is normal or not?

My situation isn’t helped because my younger sister is currently 35 weeks pregnant, and I’m trying so so hard to be supportive and the best sister I can be and I’m so happy for her, but I am so heartbroken for me. Me and my fiancé haven’t told anyone about what’s happened to me, so it’s hard keeping up a brave face around my sister and as soon I’m alone I can’t hold in my tears.

Reading people’s positive stories on here is the only thing giving me hope at the moment.

xx

Emmapx · 15 May 2023 22:20

Hi Natasha, I’m really sorry for your loss.

I was the same treated with 1 dose of mtx, have you been discharged from epu yet with low hcg ? I’m sure my period took around 4/5 weeks to come back after I was discharged but I think it can vary and sometimes take longer !

I totally what you mean about your sister, and you have every right to be heart broken for yourself!

Sending hugs xx

natashaxox · 16 May 2023 15:13

Hey Emma

Sorry to hear you’ve been through this too! Yes I was discharged from the EPU on 27th April, so just on the 12 week countdown before we can start trying again even though the thought of that is a really scary prospect right now, I’m so worried something could happen again, but I guess that’s pretty normal.

How are you getting on with everything? Xx

EPT_Host_20 · 17 May 2023 20:34

Dear Natasha,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

I think that most people who are actively trying to concieve see a baby, not a line on a pregnancy test, so you have every right to feel the way you do and to grieve your loss. My partner openly admitted that he did not feel he had lost our baby as it was too early for him to see things the same way I did. He was more concerned about my health and we hear this quite commonly from partners. It should not take away from your emotions however and you are among friends here who understand so please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families of being around pregnant people. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. You mention that you didn’t tell anyone about your pregnancy, however if you are struggling being around your sister, it maybe worth considering telling her what you have been through, so she has some understanding too.

Your menstrual periods after an ectopic pregnancy can take a while to re-establish. They can restart any time between four and ten weeks after treatment. When treated without surgery, Periods generally return at some time in the four weeks after their hCG levels have fallen to below 100 mIU/mL. According to a study for women who had methotrexate treatment for an ectopic pregnancy in a Fallopian tube, periods generally return to normal after an average of 24 days (range of 24–38 days) from the pregnancy ending. This however is an average and it can be longer for some.

Above all be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve and to heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

The EPT is awarded the PIF TICK as a Trusted Information Creator, the UK-wide quality mark for healthcare information

If the information provided here or through the EPT website has helped you, you can donate towards our support services, volunteer, or fundraise to raise awareness.

Further information is available on our website.

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back support line: 020 7733 2653. We are able to provide support in multiple languages including British Sign Language.

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list.

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

natashaxox · 22 May 2023 18:12

Hi Karen

Thank you so much for your lovely words and for everything you do on this forum, having someone that understands exactly what we are all going through is invaluable.

Just an update I ended up getting my first period on Thursday last week. I am slightly confused on when me and my partner can start trying again, I know it’s 3 months however I’m confused as to whether it’s don’t be pregnant for 3 months (not that I imagine I’d be so lucky to be) or is it don’t try to get pregnant for 3 months? I’m trying to work out when we can start trying again if it’s exactly 3 months or if on the 3rd months ovulation cycle that we can begin trying again? I’m sorry if that makes no sense at all!

Thank you again for everything you do

xx

EPT_Host_12 · 23 May 2023 11:46

Dear Natasha

I am sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy and difficult time. There is so much to come to terms with and please do allow yourself the time and space needed to heal. We are here for you for as long as you need.

Following methotrexate treatment, the information we provide regarding timing is slightly different (the information to wait at least two proper periods/three months is for surgical treatment or expectant management):

If you have had either one or two injections of methotrexate, you should wait until your hCG levels have fallen to below 5mIU/mL (your doctor will advise you when this is through blood or urinary tests) and then take a folic acid supplement for 12 weeks before you try to conceive.

This is because the drug may have reduced the level of folate in your body which is needed to ensure a baby develops healthily. The methotrexate is metabolised quickly but it can affect the quality of your cells, including those of your eggs, and the quality of your blood for up to three months after it has been given. The medicine can also affect the way your liver works and so you need to give your body time to recover properly before a new pregnancy is considered. A shortage of folate could result in a greater chance of a baby having a neural tube defect such as cleft lip and palate, or even spina bifida or other neural tube defects.

I hope that this helps to clarify and do let us know if you have any further questions.

Sending good wishes

Munira