Hi everyone, I have been reading lots of the information and experiences on the Boards and thought I would add my own.
I have been married for 6 years, and a year ago we decided it was time to try to start our own family. We had waited for a few reasons; we were married quite young (at 24) and also my sister and her husband had been trying for years to conceive, and had finally had success with 2 babies in 14 months.
We had a very stressful couple of months leading up to Christmas last year and decided that we may have more success if we were able to relax, with this in mind we booked a holiday for February, had 2 wonderful weeks and came back pregnant. I got the BFP when I was 5 days late.
Within a week I had a little spotting which sent me into a panic. I went to my GP who sent me to the EPU at the local hospital for a scan. They could not see anything on the scan and the sonographer suggested I has my dates wrong and was too early, booking me back in for 2 weeks later. I kind of knew my dates were right but at this point was blissfully naive and had no concept of the possible outcomes. They did my HCG, and again 2 days later and called me to say it had more than doubled and all seemed fine.
I went back for a second scan two weeks later, and this time the sonographer told me clearly that there was no sign of pregnancy in my uterus. She said I had probably miscarried but that they would again do my HCG to ensure this was the case. It was the first time the word ‘ectopic’ was mentioned, but only as in “I will put ectopic? on your record, but only so they can eliminate the possibility”. They took my HCG and I went home to wait. At home I started doing internet searches to see what the outcomes could be, visiting this site and miscarriage sites and came to my own conclusion; I need the HCG to be as near to zero as possible, I really hope (and never thought I would hope) that this is a ‘straight-forward’ miscarriage. The call came quickly that my HCG had climbed to over 15,000 and they needed me back there immediately.
I went to see the consultant and he called me a mystery. A little spotting a couple of weeks earlier, no pain at all, a happily rising HCG, no tenderness when examined and not in a risk group for ectopic. But an empty uterus. He admitted me for a laporoscopy and I laid in a hospital bed for 2 days crying continuously waiting for them to carry out the procedure.
I woke up no longer pregnant and with only one tube, being told how lucky I was to be alive, and that I could stop crying now “its all over and done with”.
I actually burned my cheeks with tears. I don’t think there was a day or night in the next two weeks that I didn’t have tears streaming down my face. I went back to work two weeks after the surgery, feeling like a different person. Way too soon in hindsight because I am still traumatised when I think of it now. It was was EDD on 27th October, and boy, that was a bad day.
My story didn’t quite end there (believe it or not, sorry!!) - I was determined to move on and conceive again as soon as possible, and within 10 weeks I got the BFP again. It was scary…no, terrifying.
I got an early scan at 6 weeks to make sure it was all in the right place and it was, they gave me a follow-up date for 2 weeks later again “just to be on the safe side” and I cancelled it as it fell on my 30th birthday! I went a week later instead, at 9 weeks, only to find out I had a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks.
That was in July, and I am now in my 4th cycle of TTC again.
I want my own family so badly, this year had made my marriage the most incredible solid relationship ever and we are determined to survive this journey. I look at my nieces and nephews and I love them so much, and they all love me too, but when they want a cuddle, they are tired or grumpy or want to show something off, they all want their mummy and daddy, and I just can’t wait for that to be us.
It is several months now since my ectopic and I feel the time has gone for talking about it, other people move on but I still have a part of me frozen by the whole trauma. It feels good in a strange way to relive it here so thank you so much for giving me the opportunity.
I wish you all luck and happiness.
kelly