are these feelings normal?

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1

Hi, I am new to this forum and am looking for some reassurance that what i am feeling is normal.

I am 5 weeks post my ectopic pregnancy which ruptured at 9 weeks, we had no idea there was anything wrong as i had all the pregnancy symptoms and was in a happy world full of hope and plans for the future.

I am finding it difficult to cope with the loss (which is our 3rd) we had 2 miscarriages last year, 6 months of fertility treatment, coming to terms with the fact we needed IVF and realising we were pregnant just as we were about to start our first round of IVF. So it has been a very difficult year just past. we didnt seek any help before this ectopic and now i am regretting it as i feel that this was the straw that broke the camels back.

I cant get any peace as the thoughts in my head are so loud and just constant all day and all night. I keep replaying everything and any sleep i do get i either dream about whats happened or have nightmares so i am exhausted.

i have tried writing all my thoughts down just to get them out of my head and i feel this helps but only for a short while.

I am a nurse and do not feel ready to go back to work, i would like to know if these feelings are normal because the last thing i want is to add “feeling guilty for not being at work” to my stresses.

I am constantly thinking about the “fears”:

will we ever get pregnant and have a baby?

will i suffer an ectopic again?

will i die this time?

if i have my 2nd tube removed we would have no hope of a natural conception?

how many rounds of IVF could we afford?

if we dont succeed how much more loss can we handle?

I know thats a lot of word vomit for one post, but if anyone an give me any advice for any part i would greatly appreciate it!

if we do succeed would we only ever have one child? (i had dreams of a big family)

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Dear eeeely1

I am sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses. You have been through a massive rollercoaster and my heart goes out to you that you are having to come to terms with such a devastating experience. Like you, I barely had any symptoms of ectopic pregnancy and was shaken to the core about the diagnosis. You are most welcome to express yourself however you wish and there is no need to apologise - you are among friends here. I am afraid that I do not have all the answers to all of your questions but I can certainly do my best to help wherever possible.

Your thoughts and feelings are very normal and understandable after your ordeal. I had many similar questions after my ectopic pregnancy and found the uncertainty difficult to handle. I did not know what the future held after the shock of the ectopic pregnancy and found it hard to come to terms with what had happened. I wish I could guarantee that an ectopic pregnancy will never happen again but sadly there is nothing that can stop it from occurring. What I can say is that based on studies there is around 10% chance of a subsequent ectopic pregnancy after a first and looking at this another way there is a 90% chance of an embryo being in the right place. Also there is medical help available from the time women know that they are next pregnant. We suggest women should contact their Early Pregnancy Unit direct when they find out they are pregnant to book in for an early scan at around six weeks gestation. This scan is to check that the embryo is in the right place. The self-referral is important as you have the scan date in the diary and if anything concerns you prior to that, you can call the EPU and explain what you are going through. You will be “on their radar” from early on and they often guide women if they have concerns in their next pregnancy. We are also available for emotional support to as we know how nerve-wracking trying to conceive can be.

To conceive naturally, a woman would need at least one Fallopian tube. Alternative treatment routes such as expectant management or methotrexate may be possible if caught early and so having a Fallopian tube removed in the event of another ectopic pregnancy is not necessarily a foregone conclusion.

Please look after yourself and sending you lots of good wishes

Munira

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

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3

Hi eeely,

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so devastating to have a much wanted pregnancy end in such a terrible way and is extremely hard to come to terms with.

I too suffered and ectopic at 9weeks pregnant in December last year. It was also a shock for me as I was feeling very pregnant and had no symptoms apart from spotting at 8weeks. I lost my baby and my right fallopian tube. We were trying for our baby for 2years after a previous early miscarriage. Everything you are feeling I feel too so I guess what we are feeling is normal. It’s an extremely hard thing to get your head around. All the questions and ‘what if’s’. I am 5months on and still asking myself all these questions and sometimes question my sanity on a bad day :lol: Please know you are not alone in your feelings and feel free to talk to me anytime x I find here and Instagram accounts a great help. It’s a horrible card to have been dealt but it’s definitely a help to connect with others that have also been through the same thing. After all only we know how it feels unfortunately :frowning: Take care of yourself and make sure and take as much time as you need to heal x