Is it normal

Main Board
1

Hi

Thank you to those who have posted their experiences. They have really helped me.

I was wondering if anyone else has felt the same or could help with advice. I can’t stop crying and feeling lost, confused and guilty.

Here is my experience.

I found out I was pregnant on the 17 Jan my partner was so excited and happy, he had a name for the baby was planning where we would have it and loads more, i wasnt as excited as him and he found that hard to deal with. On the 22nd I was rushed into hospital. I had an ectopic pregnacy which had ruptured my right side fallopian tube, I had some cramps on the Wednesday which lead me to do a test on the Thursday. Whilst at work on the Tuesday I was in pain and very hot. I just thought it was just a hot flush and trapped wind. I was passing in and out of consciousness and had a pain in my right shoulder. The pain was like nothing I had ever experienced. An ambulance was caused and refused as I wasn’t bleeding. A second was caused and I was rushed into hospital with a suspected ectopic and low blood pressure. My blood pressure was 47/60, I had bleed 1.5 litres into my abdominal. Everything happened so fast at hospital people asking loads of questions. Lots of needles in me. I was in icu for 3 days and released 2 days later.

At home I have rested but can’t help feeling guilty and very confused. The physical side is healing and I’m still in discomfort but I can live with that, the emotional part and the grief is so immense. I spend a lot of the time crying. I feel like I’m drowning in all of this, I’m so lost and confused. I know i wouldnt be able to cope at work at thw moment feeling like this, people asking questions. Small things set me off. Is this normal? Is it worth speaking to my doctor?

Any advice would be great on this.

Thanks

Claire

2

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds to me like the physical side is healing well and is now allowing your emotional side to come through. I would definitely contact your doctor and seek support. Please don’t underestimate the emotional and psychological trauma you have been through.

I hope things look up for you xx

3

Also, every one copes differently. It’s normal to be upset, it’s such a traumatic event. Please don’t feel as though you aren’t coping. There is nothing wrong with seeking some extra support whilst you heal xx

4

Thank you for your advice.

It’s good to know I’m not alone. I do feel like I’m drowning some days and find some days a lot harder than others.

I’m trying to book to see my doctor as know I would benefit from speaking to someone, my partner is being very supportive and my friends and some family are too, but as they haven’t been through this they can’t fully understand.

My mum tries to understand but the closest she can relate it too is the baby blues.

I do feel very lost, confused and frustrated. I will take your advice on board. Thank you for the advice

Take care

Claire

X

5

It is a very lonely journey, I have benefited a lot from this forum.

I keep reminding myself i am going through a grieving process as well as everything else. Take each day as it comes, allow yourself to grieve and to be upset

I am glad you have your partner and your mum supporting you, but completely understand how you feel. It’s hard to put into words of to describe to others. Yes, our partners are going through this with us but we grew a bond from the moment those lines appeared. Nothing will ever take that away xx

6

Dear Claire,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

In general, after six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view, but many women need to take more time off to help them deal with the psychological (emotional) impact of the loss of their baby and the frightening experience they felt being diagnosed with and treated for an ectopic pregnancy. Do speak to your GP for further time off work as needed.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.

Much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team