Hi all, first time posting here, as unfortunately on Monday this week I found out I was pregnant but that is was ectopic and I had stay in hospital. My husband and I have been trying but I was in a state of shock as I thought I’d had my period 2 weeks ago. One nurse even congratulated me which just felt so wrong.
After being monitored, multiple blood tests and scans we opted for expectant management as my hcg was dropping on its own. I never really knew if I made the right decision there.
I’m trying to stay positive but everything else feels meaningless at the minute and it keeps hitting me in waves. Two of my best friends have also just told me they are pregnant which just hits me even harder. I’m so happy for them but so sad at the same time.
Just looking for anyone who has been through the same thing / wants to chat and any tips on how to get through this. I’m keen to start trying again when I can, but now i’m terrified.
Thanks everyone!
Dear Alice,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss. When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a potentially life threatening emergency, its treatment, concerns about the future and the loss of our baby. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense. Be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve and heal both physically and emotionally.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It’s what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us “bad” people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
We are here too. Trying to conceive is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. You are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us and there is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board can look at too whenever feel ready.
Sending much love,
Karen x
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