Advise on emotions and confusion.

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Hi

I don’t really know where to start. I feel confused and worried. I found out on 3rd January I was pregnant. I was only a month into a new relationship, it was not planned and neither of us wanted more children. So I made an appointment for a termination. I feel so guilty typing that, for all the women that are trying for children and going through what I’m going through now. I feel like I don’t deserve support.

I started bleeding early on and the hospital confirmed it was the start of a miscarriage, early hours that day I miscarried. It was a horrific experience and one I’m still failing to process. When I returned to the hospital for blood tests to confirm the miscarriage, they informed us the levels had not decreased enough and 2 days later the levels had risen and I was still pregnant. I don’t see how that was possible after all the bleeding.

We then had a scan and couldn’t find anything, I was sent home with no answers and the information that I was still pregnant, it was a failing pregnancy and they can’t locate it.

I had a second scan and they found it in my left fallopian tube. The doctor gave me options to leave it and monitor or have medical management. It was too small for surgery. I chose to leave it, because to be honest I couldn’t think straight or take it all in. I went to the appointment alone and I needed to get back to take care of my daughter.

The next day or so passed and I couldn’t relax, the thought it could rupture and be life threatening was giving me anxiety. So I returned and opted for the medical management.

Since having the medical management 12 days ago my emotions have been all over the place, I have had some great days, then I’m in pain at night. This morning I have just broken down for no reason at all. I bleed a lot 2 days ago, I don’t feel pregnant anymore, I feel low and confused. A bit like when your milk comes in after giving birth. I’m breaking down for no reason, then an hour later I feel ok.

There is so much to process. My partner was very supportive but now he has backed away, said for me to look into counselling and maybe see how we feel when I’m back to being myself. I have no one to talk to, and wondered if anyone would mind shedding some light on the cycle of hormones or timeframes for healing. I know each and every one of us will be different but if I understand my body a bit more I can prepare for my emotional reaction, but it seems to be creeping up on me when I’m not expecting it.

Thank you

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Dear Anonymous+,

It does not matter that the pregnancy wasn’t planned and you we’re planning to continue the pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy is a frightening experience and I am so sorry to hear you are having to go through this.

An ectopic pregnancy can be a life-threatening experience and many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Coming to terms with what has happened will take time. You are still in the early weeks of recovery and are physically and emotionally needing to heal, your feelings are completely normal at this stage in recovery, please do lean on us for support whenever you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, if you feel down days outweigh the good, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for “talking therapies” or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Sending much love and warm hugs,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Thank you Karen.

I left a message requesting a call back a few days prior to my initial post. I’ve not had anything back and no support x