19/05/24
two little solid lines
from the start your strength was clear
one test, two, and then a third..
our baby was really here
we laughed and cried and panicked
a baby just like that!
we laughed, we cried, we panicked
but we chose family
- a team, a pact
an instinct. immeasurable, immediate
to protect you with our lives
our perfect missing puzzle piece
pure sunshine,
our clear blue sky
suddenly it all made sense
past qualms immediately worthless
a love solidified in your tiny soul
- a poetic sense of purpose
oh to have gotten to know you
your smile, your laugh, your joy
oh to have gotten to feel your kick
sweet baby girl or baby boy
to have gotten to hold you tight, just once
to feel you in my arms
to have gotten to watch you grow and grow
to guide you, palm in palm
but they said we couldn’t save you
- we tried, we really tried
they said they couldn’t save you
that the cruel hands of fait were tied
fore you’d gotten lost along the way
and made yourself at home
snug and growing healthily
but in a place that wasn’t known
a mother with an empty womb
my baby’s heartbeat still inside
‘til the doctors said it was time to act
to ‘save me’, but for you to die
our final night together - waiting
just a baby and a mum
i told you all about my life, and all the great things your dad has done
I told you that I loved you
how your sir name would be spelt
i told you we all loved you
and just how heartbroken we felt
and though the waiting almost killed me
all I thought about was you
that my baby was still healthy
- just a little lost, astray, confused
the waiting nearly killed me
but hearing ‘surgery’ felt worse
no chance of happy endings left
just a cruel ectopic curse
the beeps and lights didn’t phase us that night
too busy planning our goodbyes
I told you all about me and your dad,
whispered you soft slow lullabies
no more rushing round, no panicking
just a mothers heart in two
but of all the nights we shared together,
somehow my favourite was here with you
they say it’s 1 in 50
to see your heartbeat rarer still
that in time things will feel easier
but I fear they never will
they say next time it’s different
but the risk of horror still remains
to lose another lifetime
a tube lost in surgery, again
they say it’s 1 in 50
how could they have chosen you??
my sweet baby girl or baby boy
just one week of knowing you
my heart has been torn open
a space nothing but you could fill
and although you weren’t here very long
- I miss you,
- I always will.
sweetheart, I would truly give my life
just to feel you close again
to rub my tummy where you laid
In hopes you’d feel my hand
my darling I would give my life
- just to have you back
to wake up with the morning sun
- our family intact
You see, we loved you from the get go
fears squashed by all our joy
we loved you from the get go
sweet baby girl or baby boy
we loved you from the get go
every second of the way
we loved you from the get go
and I miss you every single day