02 January 2018 I had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy where they had to remove one of my Fallopian tubes. I feel like my baby has been taken from me and as the days go on the pain doesn’t get any better.
Any tips to manage on a day to day basis without constantly crying?
I know it’s still raw but I just don’t know how to remain positive. I am waiting to start counselling, my family and partner are so so supportive but just feel like regardless of that all I want is my baby!
So sorry for your loss xx
I had my first ectopic on Christmas Eve I had the rare case of it being on my ovary which then ruptured & I internally bled a lot
My only question is why did they take my baby away ,
It’s early been 4 weeks the first 2 weeks I was crying Dailey , i tend to get more upset when I’m alone or at work ,
All I can say is you will get better soon it will never leave you but In yourself you should feel abit better soon
Xxx
Thank you for your reply and sharing your circumstances with me and I am so sorry you have had to go through this as well!
All I can explain to people is that it is hard. I am struggling to see pregnant women and newborn babies as it just upsets me so much. That being said even adverts on the telly or tv shows.
I am just taking each day as it comes. I have been off work for 2 and a half weeks and due back on a part time basis on Monday which I am dreading! Physically I am healing from the surgery but emotionally I am definitely not ready.
I’m exactly the same , my sister is pregnant their was only 1 week between us and I’m finding it so hard to talk to her about her baby etc because I should be pregnant , I dislike hearing about anyone being pregnant , it’s normal I promise, just some of us find it hrder that others x
With work if it’s to much go back to the doctors to get more time off , your health comes first , I had 3 weeks off & I still don’t feel ready but I only work part time , if it’s to much go home , listen to your body xx
You are so strong to be able to support your sister being pregnant when that is all you want to be!
I am only going in for a couple of hours Monday so will play it by ear, work have been supportive by to feel I need to get back into a routine. I am hoping being busy will help keep my mind busy x x
Dear Lolly_pops,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and I can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there’s no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
I see you are waiting for counselling, depending on where you live and facilities offered, sometimes the wait can be lengthy. If this is the case the charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Generally we advise that you should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body’s signals and pain and feeling tired are your body’s signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
Sending much love,
Karen x
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
Hi,
I just wanted to share my story to hopefully give you some positivity and hope.
I had my ectopic in October and had surgery which resulted in losing a tube. It took a few days for it all to sink in and when it did I felt devastated. All I could think was how unfair it was and that I wanted my baby. Every day seemed to get harder and I felt like it was getting worse all the time. I went back to work a week after surgery and the exhaustion from that along with feeling upset was making me feel awful. I absolutely hated being on my own and used to cry whenever I wasn’t distracted.
It took me until the beginning of January to start to feel back to normal. It’s still there and I still get upset sometimes but I’ve started to feel much better in myself. Me and my partner went away the first week of Jan and that really helped. We had already booked it before, but if you can get away at some point when you’re feeling a bit better even just for a night it might help you to recover.
It is still very raw for you. The main thing is I would give it time. I spent the good part of 2 months feeling angry at myself and everyone else for what had happened. I blamed myself and got really annoyed because I felt like I should’ve been recovering more quickly. I was frustrated because physically I was fine but the psychological side takes a lot longer.
Please don’t blame yourself and give yourself time to recover. One day soon you will wake up and feel more normal. Then there will suddenly be more days where you wake up feeling good than the bad days. It’ll never go away but it definitely gets easier.
I hope you start to have more good days soon. Feel free to message me if you have any questions about my ectopic.
Xxxxxx
Thank you so much Karen and Flower_28 your comments are very much appreciated! And it is comforting know it will slowly get more manageable in then! x x x