Trying to conceive

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I’ve never written on any forums before but am really feeling like I need to talk to people who are in the same position. I had an ectopic pregnancy in November, I was very lucky that it didn’t rupture as I was 9 weeks, but it did end in surgery where I lost my right tube.

I’m desperate to be pregnant again as I don’t feel I can move on until I am. I feel really let down by my body and almost need to prove that I can do it. I am extremely lucky to have a beautiful daughter already, but this now seems to be all consuming to me.

I’m driving myself mad with googling and and am now convinced that my left tube doesn’t work (although I have no proof of this at all). Been trying to conceive since December/January, with no luck. Every time I get my period I feel like a failure. I guess it would be amazing to hear some success stories and to know that I’m not alone, I don’t know any one else who has had an ectopic.

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Hi Leila06,

I’m so sorry that you’ve suffered an ectopic pregnancy and loss. It can leave us with many questions and I’ll do my best to help.

Recovery from an ectopic pregnancy can take some time and is very individual. As much as I wish I could give you more certainty, as we are so unique, I am afraid there isn’t a timeframe as such. It’s important to remember that there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy. What I can say is that as the days and weeks pass, you will begin to feel more like yourself again and although the journey may be a bit of a shaky one - some days will be ok, some not so ok - please do be kind to yourself and allow yourself all the time and space that you need to heal.

It’s very normal to have worries about trying to conceive. Many feel that way; I did and still struggle with it. With future pregnancies, it is possible to have early scans to ensure you have the right help in the beginning. It may provide some comfort to know that it is usually possible to conceive successfully after having an ectopic pregnancy, though the time it generally takes varies considerably from couple to couple. Approximately 65 per cent of women are healthily pregnant within 18 months of ectopic pregnancy and some studies show this rises to around 85 percent after two years.

On your fertility, the egg from the tubeless side can be picked up by the other Fallopian tube, and that means that fertility is not halved with having a Fallopian tube removed. Conservative estimates suggest that an egg produced on the tubeless side manages to descend the remaining tube around 15 to 20% of the time. This means that rather than your fertility being halved it has been affected by around 30% or, looking at it another way, it means we have around a 70% opportunity of conception with each menstrual (period) cycle.

There is an increased chance of an EP following abdominal surgery, including c-section. However, it’s impossible to say whether this was the case. In the UK, the repeat occurrence of an EP is about 10 percent chance, but looking at it another way, there is a 90 percent chance of embryo being in the right place. Importantly, help available to you with by booking an early scan around six weeks gestation. You can book into the EPU when you are next pregnant.

In regards to trying to conceive, the Trust advises couples to wait at least two full menstrual cycles or three months before trying to conceive again. This is to allow time for your body to heal and emotions to surface and be worked through. However, you can start taking folic acid now. It is recommended to take folic acid for at least 12 weeks prior to conception.

We understand how nerve-wracking this all can be. We are here for you, for emotional support too, and these Boards are a safe space for you. We here for as long as you need.

With good wishes,

Michele

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation, by volunteering, or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

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Hi Leila

Just wanted to say I know exactly how you are feeling. I had an ectopic pregnancy in May 2017. It was honestly the most terrifying, traumatic thing I have ever experienced and it still impacts on me today.

I too felt like I’d never have anymore children (already had a little boy) and convinced myself there was something wrong with my remaining tube. I had lots of weird niggles on the side of my remaining tube which didn’t help my paranoia.

Anyway, I did fall pregnant again and had my daughter in April last year. I am also currently pregnant again. I’m 12 weeks now and although I’ve not had my scan, so far it’s looking ok. I’ve also had two c sections now (so lots of surgery on my abdomen) and I still got pregnant again. This was another thing I was really worrying about.

I hope this helps and gives you hope that it will happen. You’ve had a child already so you know you can conceive and carry a baby. This gives you a massive advantage.

Best of luck. It will get better and you will have your baby in your arms eventually xx

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Thank you both very much for your replies, I really appreciate it.

Melissa I’m so pleased things have worked out well for you, and it gives me much more hope for my future too as it sounds like a pretty similar set of circumstances. I’ve also had a c section, so I’ve convinced myself that’s why I had the ‘unexplained’ ectopic. Although who will ever know! Out of interest, how long did it take you to conceive?

It was all such a terrible lonely experience, it has really made me feel better to hear from people who have also been through it, so thank you very much.

Hope your current pregnancy goes smoothly, I imagine it’s never possible to relax completely after having such a trauma in the past, but let’s hope it’s all firmly behind you.

Leila x

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Hi Leila

No worries, this site really helped me when I was in such a dark place after my ectopic and so I want to support others where I can.

I was extremely lucky and fell on our first time of trying after the ectopic. However, the beginning of the pregnancy was a nightmare. My hgc didn’t rise properly and they told me they thought it was shutter ectopic. Then they ruled that out and told me I’d miscarry. I never did and my daughter is healthy and beautiful, however I spent the entire pregnancy a complete mess, waiting for something to go wrong. In hindsight I probably wasn’t emotionally ready to get pregnant again so soon after the ectopic!

With this pregnancy it took five months. I was a bit worried about further damage done after my second c section, but there obviously wasn’t any as I conceived in the end. This pregnancy has been smoother (so far) but I still feel nervous that something will go wrong. Like you say I think that’s normal after such a traumatic loss.

It will be the same for you too. Complications after c sections are incredibly rare. I did buy a clear blue fertility monitor, whilst I was waiting for my two periods after the ectopic. I figured seeing as my fertility was now reduced, I didn’t want to waste opportunity by doing it at the wrong time!! I swear by it and am sure that’s what helped me fall quite quickly!

Good luck, just keep telling yourself that you’ve been pregnant before and you will be again xx

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Thank you Melissa, I know it’s obviously totally different person to person, but it gives me lots of hope that it didn’t take long for you to conceive. I found it very easy to get pregnant pre-ectopic so it’s feeling like an eternity now after 5 months. I’ll look into the Clearblue fertility monitor, thank you for the tip. I feel like I could spend a fortune buying things to try and speed up the process, so it’s good to know that it actually can work!

I’m really pleased this pregnancy is going better than the last for you, that sounds like a very stressful nightmare. I think the magic of pregnancy will always be slightly ruined by the fear and anxiety after an ectopic.

I hope that in the future I can be in your position and be the one to reassure someone else that things get better. It’s been a dreadful experience and has affected me a lot more than I initially thought it had. Thank you again, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Leila x

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Hi Leila

I’m so sorry to hear about your ectopic, I wanted to come on and share my “success” story.

I also suffered at the end of Oct last year, emergency with a ruptured left tube, resulting in removal. Emotionally I was a mess after and I believe it’s actually how I fell pregnant again so soon. I became pregnant in January and I’m now 18weeks. As over the moon as I am to be pregnant I just wanted to say that it is difficult, I’m not totally sure my body has recovered yet and I’m about to go see someone to talk about the ectopic as I still think about it daily. It’s definitely overshadowed the joy this time round and I feel guilty on my wee bean for that. You’ll get there our bodies are amazing and like you I doubted mine, actually hated it for letting me down but you’ll get there. As easy as it is for me to say try not put too much pressure on yourself and try not over think it, our fertility rates aren’t really reduced and we still produce eggs from the side we have no tubes on the remaining tube picks them up. YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT A FAILURE!! Sam x