You Noticed
I’d been bottling it up inside all day
Well dressed and made up
No one could see what was on the inside,
Just a confident and busy woman.
I got on the train and I finally knew
It would be safe to think and feel something
No one cares who you are on the train
Or what kind of a day you’ve had, I thought.
With my dark glasses on, I stared into space
And for the first time that day I let myself feel
I was thinking about time and all I’d lost this year,
Feeling dread at having to face people I couldn’t handle seeing.
I felt my eyes well up and all of a sudden
A tear ran down my face
I looked up to see if anyone had been looking at me
But the carriage was still.
Then I turned around and you looked up at me
It was then that I realised you had noticed
You saw me and even though you didn’t know why I was upset
I knew you were aware I was hurting, because your glance lingered…
You didn’t judge or feel sorry for me, you just noticed
You would have never guessed all the pain I was in
And the swirling thoughts of my son
And the three babies I lost
You wouldn’t have known about my guilt and suffering
About having to terminate an ectopic pregnancy
And to watch my baby leave my body
When I so badly wanted to hold him in my arms
You wouldn’t have known about my fears for the future
And my worries that my son will never have a sibling to love and play with
You didn’t know that my sister was eight months pregnant
With a healthy pregnancy and baby
You didn’t know any of these things but
For a brief moment you noticed and acknowledged my pain and emotion
You said nothing and did nothing
But you noticed
And in that moment it meant the world to me. Thank you…