This time, ten years ago, I was pregnant. It didn’t last long. My lovely GP very astutely tested me for ep, and after about a week I was diagnosed. This time, nine years ago, I was about to have my HSG then get pregnant almost immediately afterwards, with ep no.2 This time, eight years ago, I was coming to terms with the fact I would have to live life without children. It seems like yesterday. But it seems like another lifetime, like it happened to another person too.
This year has been good. “No kids” pangs have been there, sure, but not as bad as last year, not as bad as the year before. They visit only occasionally now, and for most of the time (probably 99%) I am at ease having no children. Those are good words to write. “At ease.” I’m not writing that I can cope, or that I can deal with my life, or that I can accept it. I am at ease with it. I like my life.
And so, I mark my ten year anniversary by coming here, hoping that my words might help anyone wondering if they’re facing the end of their journey, wondering if they’re going to live their lives with no kids, and what that might be like. It’s good.
Also, ten years later, I bow down to the EPT in thanks. What a wonderful organisation, what a wonderful site this is. It looks very different from this time ten years ago, when I first entered “ectopic pregnancy” into Google and found the forum. I didn’t post for a while, I was a lurker. But it helped. It helped me become the woman I am today, the woman I’m comfortable with, the one I like more now than I did ten years ago. So thanks EPT. I’ll be making my usual Christmas donation (in lieu of sending cards) shortly - if anyone deserves a Christmas present, it’s the EPT!
I cannot believe 10 years have passed in the blinking of an eye. As you know like you, I have just watched the 10th year go by and though I didn’t realise it at the time - all that time ago, a whole decade in fact, it was the beginning of the end to my fertility. I cannot pretend that there haven’t been times when it’s been a struggle to accept that I would always feel that my family would always be incomplete and I would be powerless to change that.
The EPT, back then, was my sanity along with women like You, Sarahg, Lysanne, Mary and Ruth who propped me up and held me close, until I could stand on my own two feet again. I know that I couldn’t have survived the tough stuff and then grown around my grief to this good place I find myself in today, without all of that back then.
So in a kind of weird way my 10th was more about a celebration of my life as it is now - which for all it’s ups and downs and the stuff the universe has a habit of chucking at us, much like you, is a life which I love and live in a skin that fits.
I am so glad that you have so much positivity and can feel, see and truly sense the way the pain has lessened and the healing continued to bring you to the place you find yourself in today
But I still send you gentle hugs and grateful thanks for being the incredibly special person you are.
On reading your posting here today I have just realised that this year will be the ten year anniversary of my ep. Hard to believe that ten years has passed, I often think of that time and of the baby I lost. Although a lifetime has passed since I still get pangs when I remember. I owe a lot to the EPT, I am not sure how I would have managed without this forum.
It is lovely to read how happy you are, you certainly deserve it. I know you were so supportive when I was struggling in the aftermath of my ep which turned my world upside down.
I know this post is rather late, but I am not here often these days.
Sarah! Sorry I missed your post last month. I was away on holiday (niece getting married in Thailand) at the time, so you can see February was good to me. LOL
Wow. Ten years since your ep this year? It’s been ten years since my second ep this year too - though it’s at the end of the year. It does seem like a lifetime ago, but I think it’s nice that we still remember, and that we still come here to remember. The EPT was a lifesaver for me, and helped me so much in facing my future, embracing it and enjoying it. I still contribute to it - as I look around the site and see the numbers of women who still come here upset and confused after their eps, it’s the least I can do. And it kinda makes sense of the babies I lost. I like that - something good coming out of something so awful.
Of course, I’ve watched you and your post-ep babies, so hope they’re not running you ragged (well, not too much) but bringing you joy too.
Thanks so much for coming here Sarahr. We had such a lovely community back then didn’t we? They still do today - just we old timers have happily moved on.