I had an IUD inserted in the fall at my doctor’s suggestion. I am already a mum of 2 and did not plan on having anymore children (a decision based in logic, but I was struggling with it a little emotionally). I found the IUD made me miserable - bleeding ALL the time (so nothing resembling a regular predictable period like I’d had on the pill). I second guessed myself after reading stories online of the bleeding eventually stopping if you waited long enough. But it kept going. I made the decision to have it removed and my doctor took it out Feb 11. I felt so happy.
Feb 12 onwards I was still bleeding but figured it was because of the removal. Feb 14 I was bleeding more heavily but again figured it was just a side effect of the removal. I noticed something off in the toilet and thought for whatever reason “almost looks like a miscarriage?” But I was not pregnancy, to my knowledge, so I have no idea why my brain went there. Continued to bleed. Continued to think nothing of it because I was so used to bleeding - literally months of it already, so what else is new?
Then on Feb 16 I suddenly experienced sharp, stabbing pain in my abdomen. I could not stand up straight and could not get in a comfortable position. Somehow got myself into a hot shower and that seemed to ease up the pain and cramping a bit. The next morning, again hit with this same pain but a little less severe. Still didn’t think much of it. In the afternoon, I woke up from a nap in an insane amount of pain - my muscles were contracting so hard in my mid section and it reminded me of being in labour. I could not move. My toddler was crying in his crib but I could not get up. I had to somehow roll myself off the couch onto the floor and crawl to his room. I mustered all my might to pull him out of the crib and then collapsed on the floor, crying, shouting out in pain, hoping my toddler would stay close because I could not get up from the floor. Thankfully my husband was on his way home from work and came in the door shortly after. I had another episode on the Sunday evening. Still, I was doubting the need to get myself checked out because I envisioned being dismissed by the doctor. My husband was urging me to go all the same. I slept for hours on the Monday and was still having cramping, albeit mild, on Tuesday morning. I made an appt with urgent care for that evening.
At urgent care, I saw another doctor (not my GP). I explained my pain and how severe it had been and how I was still bleeding. She predictably got caught up on my recent IUD removal. She did an external examination of my abdomen and then had me do a urine test for infection and for pregnancy. I thought at this point I must have an infection. But the urine test cleared for both infection and pregnancy. I was told it must be because of the IUD removal and to take OTC pain meds. I knew that was wrong but was so tired I didn’t fight it and just went home.
It was after 8pm by the time I made it home. I missed a phone call from the dr. Listened to the voicemail she left and it was unclear but it sounded like she was running my urine test again? I had no idea why. She had also sent me an electronic message. So I read it and it said that the urine test actually showed a weak positive for pregnancy. I was distraught. How was this possible? What did this mean? What should I do next? There was no instruction for me, or timeline given about when she would be in touch.
I rushed to a pharmacy right away to buy two at home pregnancy tests, different brands. They both lit up straight away - faster and bolder than when I’d taken them for my two kids. I don’t know how I slept that night. I was so confused.
The next morning, Wednesday, I called my clinic. I explained I had just learned I was pregnant, had been having abdominal pains and was bleeding. I was told that my GP was not available until late Friday afternoon. I was expecting the receptionist to tell me to go to the hospital instead. She just scheduled an appt for Friday afternoon and said to call back first thing tomorrow if my symptoms persisted. All day this did not sit right with me. Still no word from the doctor I had seen at urgent care. My husband and I were having frank discussions about whether we could make having three kids work.
On Thursday morning, I was still bleeding. I told my husband to take me to the hospital. Enough was enough. By then I suspected I was having an ectopic pregnancy, which is what I told them at the hospital. Unlike with the urgent care, the medical professionals at the hospital took me seriously from the beginning and I already felt better about taking some control of whatever was happening to me. I would at least get some answers.
They ran blood work which confirmed I was pregnant but the HCG was low. They sent me for an ultrasound. The sonographer pulled in a doctor to confirm what she was seeing - what I already knew. There was an ectopic pregnancy in my right Fallopian tube - the pregnancy had ruptured but not my tube, yet, and there was some internal bleeding. The doctor looked at me and told me in a very meaningful, caring way that it was a good thing I had come in. I spoke with the OBGYN on call. She said it was my choice; I could either have the surgery to remove the tube or go home and self monitor since it seemed like my body was already in the process of passing the pregnancy. I told her I wanted the surgery - thinking of my kids, I wanted to be on the safe side.
So after a few more hours, I underwent the surgery. I was discharged from the hospital within a couple hours of surgery. This was about 3 wks ago now.
Lately, what has been bugging me is “who was my baby?” Who would they have been? Was it a boy or a girl? At first, I truly did not even think of there being a baby given that the baby was already gone when I found out I was pregnant. I had no idea, really and truly, that I was pregnant and, because I did not have periods on the IUD, I have no idea how far along I was. I wasn’t told at the hospital and I don’t even know if they’d be able to tell me. It messes with me that I could’ve been at the end of the first trimester for all I know with a baby well on its way to being developed. It is a weird feeling for me that I got materials from the hospital on pregnancy loss but they talk about obtaining the baby’s remains and that’s not even possible for me. I also am confused about my feelings since this was technically an unwanted pregnancy. I really feel like an outlier or an imposter of grief since most women who go through this a) knew they were pregnant and b) desperately wanted the baby and were already celebrating its existence.
Any words of support are appreciated, as I am feeling very lonely right now.