Struggling

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My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year, fertility tests show that we have a low chance of conceiving naturally but as we have children from previous relationships we won’t get referred for IVF. We were delighted to discover I was pregnant at Christmas time, then a week later found out it was ectopic and I went in for emergency surgery and had my left tube removed.

I have been through so many emotions and stages it seems, I’ve been upset and angry, scared etc. I’m not over the loss and there’s millions of triggers all the time that remind me.

Just now though I am really struggling with my body. I feel like it has let me down and in turn I have let my husband and our families down. This could have been our only chance at having a baby together and my body ruined it.

How do you move on from feeling like this? Logically I know it isn’t my fault and I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it, but my body got it wrong and it shouldn’t have.

This makes me feel like a failure and while I know that to look at me strangers don’t know what’s happened but when I go out I feel like they do. When I see anyone for the first time since it all happened I feel like they’re judging me at being a failure. I’m due back at work next week and I’m dreading it but also feel like getting back to work might help me. I just feel so low and anxious and like such a let down I’m not sure how to move on.

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Dear Emma,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy loss,

Your post resonates with me so much, as you pretty much sum up how I felt following our ectopic pregnancy.

Guilt is certainly a word we hear a lot at the Trust. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy, you are not to blame.

We have more information on emotional support on our website here-

https://ectopic.org.uk/emotional-recovery

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy can be very traumatic for some and it can take up to 3 months to even start to process a traumatic event. Take the time you need to heal both physically and emotionally. If you feel the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We also have support services, we can exchange emails as well as support on this forum. We also have telephone support and offer virtual group sessions. We’ll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish. Some women also find that journaling can be a helpful way of writing the feelings they cannot verbalise.

We have information below on how to contact us and on our website about finding counselling services and details of how to contact us below.

Please take the time you need to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

We will be here for you for as long as you need,

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team