Strange reaction

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1

I suffered an ectopic pregnancy in July, which resulted in an emergency salpingectomy.

I found out I was pregnant as I thought I’d come on my period early July, but it was unlike my usual cycle, and I could not stop peeing. I did 5 pregnancy tests, all came back positive.

I had fallen pregnant with the copper coil. Although the pregnancy wasn’t planned, once we found out I was pregnant, my partner and I were happy. We were naive to think that I could just remove the coil and be okay. I also started taking Isotretinoin, which is toxic to a foetus, at the same time I conceived. So the coil and this were reason enough for the doctors to suggest a termination. My partner and I were heartbroken at the thought of having to terminate our baby.

A week after finding out I was pregnant, I’d been bleeding for over a week already. My bleeding was getting heavier so 111 advised us to go to A&E, they said everything seemed ok as I wasn’t soaking through 2 sanitary towels an hour and sent me home. I had lots of appointments at the early pregnancy unit and was monitored through blood tests for 2 weeks, the whole time I was still bleeding heavier than a “heavy” and in a large amount of pain. All scans showed no sign of a foetus yet so blood was the only way to suggest an ectopic. My pregnancy hormones weren’t rising as they were meant to so they monitored me closely.

Then I went for a scan one morning in mid July, only to be told there was a lot of blood on my pelvis as my fallopian tube had started to rupture and was rushed in for emergency surgery. They said had it been 8-12 hours later, my tube would’ve burst completely and it would’ve been a life of death situation for me.

This whole situation has just been heartbreaking, and I have healed physically. But I am almost still waiting for an emotional reaction. I had lots of tears and confusion whilst healing physically and some upset the weeks following. But I’m quite an emotional person generally and feel as if I haven’t processed it fully. I’m wondering if that has happened to anyone else? I don’t know if the reaction I had was just all I’ll have, but I feel as if I haven’t come to terms with it fully. It feels like I’ve missed a step and I’m subconsciously putting it off.

I don’t like to talk about my feelings surrounding as much now it’s been a few months as I don’t want it to start getting on the nerves of others. My support is very strong but I just don’t feel like anyone understands. I also struggle with is when someone says (trying to be comforting) “it wasn’t a baby yet, don’t worry”. It was, I felt it. I feel stupid but I also don’t want anyone to take that pregnancy away from me. I still find myself thinking about how big my bump would be by now. It’s such a confusing mental space.

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I’m so sorry for your loss.

I had emergency surgery 2 weeks ago for an ectopic which was my first pregnancy.

I wanted to respond as I too have been worrying about how I am/ will react emotionally to everything we have experienced in the past month.

The whole thing has been a long drawn out process.

Similar to you, things weren’t looking viable from the very beginning so we weren’t able to be excited about finding out I was pregnant…looking back now perhaps that was a blessing in disguise as I think the disappointment after such excitement would have broken me.

I found out I was pregnant when I woke up one day with sharp pains which would not subside, GP confirmed pregnancy but I was referred to the EPAU when bleeding started that night. Bleeding got so heavy over the next 5 days that we were convinced it was a miscarriage but they could not rule out ectopic. It was a week long of multiple visits, blood tests, scans and consultations before the ectopic was confirmed. I was given one dose of methotrexate but unfortunately it didn’t work, then on the day I was due to go back for another dose I woke up in intense pain again, revisited the hospital and we discovered I had ruptured and emergency surgery followed that afternoon.

I am still coming to terms with everything that has happened and am much earlier on in the grieving process, but I too do worry about how I will react emotionally or if I will ever properly come to terms with it.

I can be emotional but equally I often compartmentalise and put things in a box. It’s not a conscious thing it’s just how I deal with everything, to just plough on through.

I do recognise the benefit of talking about things to help with processing but it’s difficult isn’t it?! Some days I’m absolutely fine, some days I can’t stop crying. It’s difficult to explain how I am feeling and pin point exactly what these feelings are. As you say it is such a confusing mental space.

These forums are a brilliant source of information and support too. I find myself scrolling through most night and have learnt so much.

It helps to read about other people’s experiences but at the same time it’s okay to feel whatever way you are feeling. We may have an intensely emotional reaction in the future or we may be fine.

Have you reached out to any services outside of your support circle? I think this is something I might need to explore myself over the coming months. I wonder if it would be easier to unpack everything that has happened with someone not so close?

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Dear emolh,

I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,

When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it’s treatment, reduction in fertility and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Ectopic pregnancy can be a a very traumatic event and it can take up to 3 months to begin to process such traumas so please be kind to yourself.

We will be here for as long as you need. The forums are a safe space and you are among friends who understand, as shown by Im0206. We also offer email and telephone services if either of you feel you need more support.

Above all, allow the time to grieve the loss of your baby, to heal both physically and emotionally.

Sending much love,

Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Registered Charity Number: 1071811

Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards

If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?

Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk

Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk

We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653

Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters

Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

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Hi Emlo2,

Your story really resonated with me and first off, I just want to say you’re not alone. My experience was just 3 months ago too, and I’ve felt the very same feelings of ‘numbness’.

My initial pregnancy news began in a happy way. This lasted for 2 weeks until I began to have non-stop cramping one day when I was WFH, which then turned into a ‘gush’ bleed, which I instantaneously thought was a miscarriage. After an internal exam in hospital, my bleeding subsiding and a pregnancy test confirming I was indeed positive, they initially weren’t too concerned as my womb lining was still in tact. My hormones were high so they arranged for me to return the next morning for a TV ultrasound and bloods.

The sac wasn’t visible, but HCG rising, so they asked me to return every other day for bloods and return the following week for another scan. They couldn’t give me answers and simply said it was in an unknown location, or I was too early on, or it was ectopic, though this was unlikely due to the doubling hormones (in their words).

I didn’t feel well nor unwell that week. I was anxious & stressed. A few days that week I called the hospital saying I was dizzy, but I put a lot of this down to stress and maybe in hindsight, I was in denial of what my body was telling me, as I really wanted to be pregnant (if that makes any sense)?!

The following week my TV scan still showed no sac, but they mentioned free fluid. Alarm bells started at this point and I broke down. To add to the misery, after crying to the midwife, I had to get more bloods done and they sent me home to wait for the results! My hormones had again doubled so the consultant was extremely concerned and I was admitted for emergency laparascopy the following morning - not knowing what to expect - nobody had explicitly said this was ectopic, but it was looking increasingly likely that’s what they would find.

After signing 5 potential outcomes of the surgery, I had my op first thing the next morning. I woke up terrified, wondering what had happened. The recovery nurse told me it was ectopic and my left tube was removed and my tube had ruptured. It was all so numb. Everything. All so routine and matter of fact. It felt like I was being told the bins had been taken out… it felt very matter of fact and I just couldn’t process anything.

Unfortunately I had absolutely 0 aftercare and left the hospital after 2 days without so much as a flyer. I even had a call from a midwife the following week to book my first antenatal appointment!!! This is the part that hurts the most. Not knowing what to expect as part of my healing journey was anxiety inducing and horrific. I too feel like my feelings come in waves. When I’m in my counselling sessions, I’m numb. I look at the tissue box and think ‘is she willing me to cry?’. Yet the tears don’t come - although I’m usually very emotional.

I’m sending you love on your healing journey. I am finding as time goes on I am processing and piecing things back together - seeing what I couldn’t see when I was in the midst of it. I hope in time this happens to you too.

Any time you’d like to chat, I’m here! X

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Hi, I’m am new to this forum, I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain with this.

I would have been 7 weeks today however at 5 and a half weeks I started spotting with a lot of cramps. I spoke to a doctor who said it was a threatened miscarriage and it looked like things had settled. The next day I started to bleed fresh blood and after seeking advice from 111 I got told it was absolutely normal to be bleeding and not to worry. I knew something wasn’t right so I booked a private scan for a week later.

This scan confirmed that I was having an ectopic pregnancy and they called an ambulance to take me to hospital. After listening to the private clinic arguing with 999 for over 3 hours on how serious my condition was an ambulance finally arrived to take me to hospital.

Once I got seen I was moved to the early pregnancy unit where I was told they can’t do anything until I have a second scan the next day.

After the second scan they told me I would have surgery that day but unfortunately it got canceled as an emergency came in which is understandable.

On my third day at the hospital I eventually went in after being moved from the morning to the afternoon for another emergency.

The whole time I felt like my condition wasn’t considered an emergency as I hadn’t ruptured yet but was waiting for it to happen at any moment.

Unfortunately my husband was out of the country with work so I was on my own dealing with this.

I came out of surgery not to be told how it went until the following morning where it was very vague. I was discharged not long after. I hadn’t even been out of surgery for 17 hours by this point.

I was sick of my friends and family messaging me telling me how sorry they were about what I had gone through but I keep avoiding the questions and hate it when they say it to me.

I think because I was on my own in the hospital and I am still on my own now waiting for my husband to get home I’m just wanting to pretend that it didn’t happen. I’m even avoiding looking at pregnancy posts and baby talk because I don’t think Iv fully processed what has happened. I’m hoping to get back on my feet soon as I only got discharged yesterday but the thought of getting pregnant now scares me.

I hope you all find your feet and the support you need to get through this x